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Every now and then we hear about a child going berserk and killing someone or even themselves. Every day children rebel against their parents, while others are bullied and withdraw emotionally and mentally a little bit more. Numerous times a day all over the world, children tell themselves or tell their parents, “I HATE YOU!” How many times did you say that to your parents or yourself when you were a child? Do you still hate yourself? Do you still hate your parents for how they raised you or are you one of the lucky few that had outstanding role models?

Every day inexperienced children try drugs for the first time. Every day children are exposed to sex and other adult situations. Is it possible to counteract the negative affects these things have on a child’s mental stability? Is it possible to effectively raise a child in this day of extreme information overload and ease of compromise? Yes, it IS worth the attempt to try to counteract negatives by using evolved parenting skills.

Every day is your opportunity to use evolved parenting skills.

Poor Parenting, Good Parenting

Unfortunately, it’s too easy to be a poor parent and it takes a lot of effort to be a good parent. Here are a few points on how parents (or any caregiver) can fail to raise a child optimally and suggestions for providing a better environment:

Being Just an Adequate Parent

If you have minimal contact with your children due to whatever reasons, you leave your children to fend for themselves. Seriously, these are no longer simpler times and being just an adequate parent is a disservice to your children. From where do you expect your children to gain the knowledge they need to be functionally competitive individuals in an increasingly complex society — from teachers, TV, and your child’s peers? Although there are many fantastic teachers, public education is barely adequate in some areas and poor in other areas. The majority of television programming is detrimental to developing minds. Peers can provide dangerous information.

It’s up to you to move out of being just an adequate parent and maximize your evolution as a parent.

Maximize Your Interactions

From day-1 onward, make as much contact with your children as possible. Making time to be a good or even best friend to your children opens up the channels of communication where suggestions are considered usable information rather than as demands and thus likely to be ignored or rejected as useless information. If you are too busy to be a parent, then consider hiring someone that you can trust to fill in the parental gaps of time that you need to miss interacting with your children. This takes more than just a babysitter. It takes a true caregiver with real skills as an interactive educator. Infants require large amounts of quality interactions with good role models in order to develop well.

Be A Super Parent

If you’re already a parent, then study the subject of being a parent and build or add to your current skills. Being a super parent will help you in raising super children.

It’s up to you to be on top of that which your children are exposed. At the minimum, discuss important issues with your children on a daily basis or as often as possible. Check their opinions and interests without prying and make suggestions without being a control freak. Make sure they know that they can confide in you without any fear of having other people know their personal information.

Parenting Without Authority

“Respect My Authority!” vs. Self-Authority

I know that it’s a hard concept for a parent to fathom, but it really is important to stop being a domineering authority over your children. All humans, including children, do much better if they are allowed to make their own decisions. Keep the interactions going by providing input and suggestions as part of the education, but once you push your control onto children, they’ll rebel and wind up hating you. Some control cannot be avoided since very young children have yet to understand the danger of simply living or how to be respectful, but the more self-authority that you teach and allow for your children, the more advanced and well adjusted children will be. It’s important that your children know that self-authority is important and a great responsibility.

Teach Respect and Confidence

What you learn from your parents, you do to your children. Break the mental shackles of any abuse or lack of preparation or poor parenting by whomever raised you and evolve your parenting skills.

Children mimic adults and other children, so if you are disrespectful to people, chances are good that your children will adopt that type of behavior. Teaching by example is one of the easiest ways to impart good behavior and skills to younger people or anyone really.

Teach respect and tolerance of others regardless of your personal views and prejudices. Let your children make up their minds about other people. Teach confidence and self-esteem by providing situations where your children can increase their skills. Some preparation might be necessary, but it’s important to let your children fail and then encourage them to try again.

Here are other great Power Essence articles that can help you obtain evolved parenting skills and confidence-building information you can impart to your children: 5 Benefits to Helping Others, Maximum Self Esteem, Overcoming Shyness, and What You Think of Me.

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How do you motivate young children to do their best in school in this day and age when the curriculum has evolved to demanding levels and the distractions in this material world have advanced to more enticing proportions? Simple, you say, just enhance and vary your techniques in motivating them.

Here are 12 ways on how to motivate your child to study in school:

1. Minimize negative words —no, can’t, won’t, never.

2. Stress the “I’ll Make It Happen” words: yes, I can, and I will.

3. Do the Basketball Shuffle:

— write “It’s in your court NOW” on a basketball.

— Put the ball in a neutral, yet easily seen area (i.e. the kitchen). This signifies to the parent and the student they need to work together to achieve scholastic goals.

— After some time put the basketball in the student’s room indicating in a positive, yet physical way, that the student is in charge of his/her success in school. The student can “pass” the ball back to the parents when asking for help.

— If the student “passes” the ball to the parent, then the parent must display the ball in a prominent place until the student receives the help he/she needs. They may then “pass” the basketball back to the student.

— The basketball becomes a fun, visual, and practical way to show the student they have to take an active role in their education.

4. With your child, develop thirteen character traits you want to work on together. This might include honesty, fairness, self-control, etc. Take one character trait each week and concentrate on improving in that area. Agree to help each other improve on the chosen trait. At the end of the week, go on to the next character development trait on your list. Continue the process until you complete all thirteen weeks of character traits. Option: Start over again at the top of the list and go through the list again. (Note: This is what Ben Franklin did week after week for fifty-seven years.)

5. Stress the importance of goal setting. By learning how to set and achieve goals and how to use these principles in the classroom, students will take more personal ownership for their education.

6. Remind them that they are the ones who determine their final grade.

7. At least three times per week, have your child write down this question — “Did I give my best effort to today’s activities?” If they answer yes, that’s great. Reward them. If they answer no, then have them list two things they will do tomorrow to improve their effort.

8. Help your child shift the focus from him/herself by demonstrating the importance of helping others.

9. Teach the children time management.

10. Nourish their bodies and minds with good food.

11. Teachers should spend more time explaining why they teach what they do, and why the topic or approach or activity is important and interesting and worthwhile.

12. Students respond with interest and motivation to teachers who appear to be human and caring.

Age Eighteen Through Adulthood

If you are just now gaining this Power Essence knowledge and your children are already in this age range of eighteen through adulthood, then it may be next to impossible to transfer this information to them. Most young adults typically are set in their ways and they can be very resistant to new ways of thinking.

Many people in this age range who were brought up in the years before this writing can be arrogant and think they know it all, or they can be stuck in mystical thinking. The best recommendation we can make is to subtly and slowly transfer the knowledge by example and suggestions.

Highly Advanced

For those lucky children that are raised on this information, by the time they reach eighteen years of age they will be highly advanced mentally and more mature and secure in their personality than their counterparts of the past.

Don’t be surprised if they have already started their own business or secured their dream job before they reach eighteen or soon after.

Your Best Friends

At eighteen, instead of rebelling against you as most kids have in the past with their parents, your evolved child will still think of you as one of their best friends and confide in you for suggestions.

Although your child is now an adult and living on their own, you can still keep in frequent communication with them and do things together. Take trips together. Have family reunions and other gatherings or celebrations to help spread the experience of closeness to all of your relatives.

If as a civilization, we discover the science of immortality or at least longevity, then imagine living forever with your children alive forever too, and all your progeny! Imagine the family celebrations! Best friends forever (bff) takes on a whole new dimension with biological longevity!

Stimulating Conversations

Along with the personal conversations you can have with your young adult children, have as many stimulating business-related, dream job talks as you can. Inspire them and help motivate them to really get into creating and running a business providing valuable products or services or in being the exceptional employee with whatever company. It is not unheard of these days to have young adults creating multi-million dollar businesses before they leave their teenage years so start the stimulating communication on this as early as possible.

Love Relationships

Also, discuss the benefits of a deeply committed love-relationship and in having a family of their own. Having children can be a richly rewarding experience and having that information early on can open up that responsibility in your child’s mind. They may choose not to have a family or even love relationships, but at least present these options.

We here at Power Essence Company hope the best for you and your children, and we hope the information you have read here will help inspire you to be the ultimate parent.

written by Maxwell Jennings

Age Thirteen Through Age Seventeen

Now is the time for early preparation for adulthood by fine tuning the personality, interpersonal skills, and a sense for business. Age 13 through age 17 is a good time to really explore these areas and hopefully uncover their hidden genius.

Young Entrepreneurs

Every child has the potential for entrepreneur-ship. If you are able to help cultivate this creativity earlier in your child’s life, then capitalize on that education now with an even bigger push to get that dream into reality if they want.

Is it prudent to build a business around a childhood dream? Only if the child wants to, and of course, only if there is a market for what value they intend to present to the consumer. If your child can perform a market study and prospects are good, then they should seriously consider going into business. At the least, it could be a tremendous experience for your child. Who knows, it could turn out to be lucrative too. Make sure they cover themselves legally and take full responsibility for their products and/or services.

It is important to remember that not all children will shift into being entrepreneurs, and these young people will be just as happy working for someone else adding extreme value to that business. As long as they know they always have the option of starting their own business, then that passion may arise later in life.

Having the training and knowledge about what it takes to be an entrepreneur and run a business generates a great set of tools that can be applied to other areas in your child’s life. You don’t have to become an entrepreneur to benefit from that mindset. Problem solving and creating marketable solutions are just a few benefits of learning to be a businessperson. Interpersonal skills, friendly competition, and business related friendships also come from business relationship training. These experiences can then be transferred to all areas.

Young Adulthood

As your child blossoms into young adulthood, their interests in relationships will increase. It’s important to support your child’s choice to be with whomever they select as a partner or as friends. If handled properly from early youth into young adulthood, your offspring will be much more mature than comparable children raised under today’s typical methods will be, and they will gravitate to other children with comparable intellectual skills and interests.

Interests

Suggest things that might interest your child in trying, such as sports, learning a musical instrument, and taking acting classes. Participating in these and similar interests can help develop a young person’s personality and confidence. It can also inspire a passion or awaken hidden genius. Be sure not to force your child into anything they don’t want to try, but leave it entirely up to them to choose. Music and sports are great testing grounds for interests.

Driver’s Education

When it comes time to help your child learn to drive a car, there are several things you can do to help prepare them for the unexpected and to be an evolved driver. It’s important that they know how to handle any vehicle that they will be using, so if you have access to several types of vehicles, then make sure to allow practice driving in small cars to large vans. Even rent a different sized and handling vehicle from the family car. The more education you provide early, the better driver they will be their whole life.

If at all possible, drive to a wide open dirt area where it is safe and acceptable and practice straight-line skidding or sudden stops, left and right turning slide-outs back into control, and backing the vehicle up over long distances. Also, find an empty area of a large parking lot and practice pulling into stalls forwards and backing in. Teach them how to use visual points on the vehicle to judge the safe zone around the vehicle and to line up for perfect parking. If it helps, demonstrate the techniques and then let them try. A good way to let them know the dimensions of the vehicle from the driver’s perspective is to stand outside the vehicle right next to the bumpers and corners and have them ingrain those visual cues from all angles and mirrors. Pull up next to and slightly ahead of a parked car so that they know where the blind spots can occur.

Love Relationships

If they haven’t already, children in this age range will definitely start to find attractions in other people. Not only have they been exposed to relationships in the movies, books and other media, their adult hormones are beginning to show up in their systems as well. To some children, this rush of sex hormones can be a bit of a shock no matter how well you prepare them with logic before hand. The best you can do for them during puberty is simply being there for them to talk with and help curtail the emotional spurts with rational thoughts and choices. Let them know that what they are feeling and the new desires are a normal part of being human. Love relationships can mean sexual relationships, so educate them about the differences and how they can blend together with responsibility. Attraction and infatuation may or may not lead to love relationships.

If prepared with enough good information – both pros and cons of what relationships entail, then most children can learn to be rational about relationships, with less of the turmoil and stress most often associated with pubescent development. Always encourage rational thinking and you will be surprised at how grown up they will act not only with their peers, but with adults as well. They are definitely changing into young adults now, so afford them adult-level responsibilities.

Sex Education

Discuss sex and love relationships in detail, and be supportive no matter to what gender your child is attracted. If you can talk logically about intimate acts, your child will learn to respect those acts and how they relate to building a love-based relationship with someone. You really cannot stop young people from experimenting, so it is better to prepare them about sex by using caring and rational thinking on your part. If handled properly, you can save them the heartbreak and devastation of diseases and unwanted pregnancies.

(continued Jul 13 2009: Raising Super Children Ages 18 through Adulthood)

Age Eight Through Age Twelve

Emphasize more individuality, more responsibility, more creativity, and more productivity during this age range.

Fantasy and Logic

It is also good to keep up with stimulating their fantasy mind as well as their logical mind. Fantasy keeps the mind stretching beyond what is familiar or comfortable and opens up tremendous opportunity for creative thinking and in nurturing artistic abilities. As long as they are not completely caught up in fantasy to the detriment of logic and rationality, then encourage them to practice thinking in extraordinary ways. Some of the most tremendous inventions came from the ability of the inventor to fantasize and see beyond the scope of what is typical or normal.

Creative Potential

This is the age where most children unleash their full creative potential, so capitalize on that. Of course, it can happen earlier, but even earlier childhood creativity coupled with increased intelligence can awaken immense potential and prosperity for your evolving children.

Responsibility

Increase responsibilities and opportunities for self decision-making. Offer suggestions on a more limited basis and inspire children to really think things over for themselves. Give hints as a last resort before giving up the correct answer. Libraries and the Internet are a wealth of information. There is a lot of useless and even incorrect information on the Internet, but with knowing that fact and knowing how to search out the required information, the Internet can be a great tool for gathering knowledge. Prepare them for the dangers of the Internet as well. Give them an idea of what they might stumble upon and why certain content is available. Responsibility is earned so some monitoring maybe necessary on your part, but by teaching them the meaning of responsibility, your children can learn what to avoid.

Love Relationships

Some children will exhibit the desire to have a boyfriend or girlfriend during this age range. It can happen at earlier ages, but typically, it happens for the first time at these ages. Some children will also begin noticing the sex nature of being human. Again, be up-front and honest about why humans are attracted into love relationships. Encourage them to research the scientific and psychological aspects of relationships, while providing your own input on the subject. As with the earlier age ranges, repeat the importance of sex responsibility to stay safe and minimize mistakes. Make sure they know it is their choice since it is their body and their life, but again, stress the importance of responsibility and remaining safe from dangerous people of all ages. Children will experiment, so it’s important that they know about appropriate behavior and that sex is better experienced as a responsible adult.

Again, add whatever rational suggestions you feel are important and repeat important information throughout your child’s life.

Stimulating Conversations

As mentioned before, when your child is confronted with any situation and asks for your opinion, always start out with asking what they have come up with as a possible solution. Stimulate them to ask intelligent questions and to figure things out on their own. After they have communicated their possible solutions, and you have suggestions that differ, prod them with questions and hints to see if they can formulate a new scenario similar to what is on your mind. If they go off on a tangent without coming up with any other viable solution, only then should you offer any suggestions of your own. The goal here is to let them integrate all the information they have to figure out an intelligent decision. If you see flaws in their logic or you can see potential snags in their solution, again, offer suggestions or help direct them to a source that can help. Keep the conversations going!

Prepare them for major changes such as entering junior high school, and all that entails. Competition, conflicts, relationships, and new friendships usually come with new environments.

(continued July 6 2009: Raising Super Children Ages 13 through 17)

Ages Four Through Age Seven

This is the opinion forming and foundational setting period for children.

Although we are born with some personality traits and we acquire more in the first few years of life, we develop more of our personality and opinions of the world and how reality works in this range of age 4 through age 7. It is important to present facts and logic during these psychological forming years. It is also the best time to start praising your child for things well done to help build their self-esteem and confidence.

Fantasy, such as through television, computer games and the Internet, can be a great entertainment tool, but we also recommend that you make the difference known between reality and fantasy, and between objective thinking and subjective modes. Being honest in all respects when dealing with children can inspire them to grow up honest and with a greater respect for you too.

Along with teaching one hundred percent honesty, also teach them about being considerate and positive to others. You can also teach your children about being at least neutral when confronted with negative situations. Being neutral is always better than being upset or angry. Talking with confidence is different than getting loud with aggression. Teach your kids to use logic and diplomacy to settle their differences and disagreements.

Safety and Protection

This is also the time to inspire them to protect themselves, their siblings, and you too. Saying things similar to: it’s important to protect your family and brother(s) and/or sister(s), and you can be best friends and help each other, can help instill those caring traits at an early age. At the same time, teach the importance of self-preservation through safety.

Strangers

Stress the importance of being wary of strangers and aware of potential dangers in their immediate vicinity. This can be accomplished without instilling paranoia. There are some very disturbed people in the world, and all efforts should be taken to protect your family. Learn how to spot suspicious behavior of anyone, including people that you know and strangers, but without prejudice or jumping to conclusions and teach these same techniques to your children. By expanding one’s awareness of one’s surroundings, one can increase their level of protection.

Criminals try to target people that are unaware or alone, so recommend that your children stay with groups and always know what’s going on nearby. Make sure they also know that other children can be dangerous, and to watch for danger signs in odd behaviors and what is said. Learn the tactics that child molesters use to lure children into falsely trusting them, and make sure your children know these traps and how to avoid them. Not all strangers are dangerous, in fact only a few are, but it’s important for children to know the danger signs.

Self Defense

You can train any age group the fundamentals of self-defense. Kicking, screaming, and running away to safety are basic techniques. Consider enrolling your pups in martial arts training and even gymnastics to help build coordination and flexibility. Martial arts can also train in personal honor and respect. It is always better to avoid hostile situations, but if your child is trained properly they can think and perform their way out of most situations. By remaining logical and alert, children can figure out a way to escape or attract attention if they are trapped or in danger.

Sports

Most sports help to condition a growing body to its full potential. Swimming is one of the best non-impact sports that is also great for cardiovascular strength and endurance. You can even trigger a young body to grow taller than it would without the stretching and kicking of rigorous lap swimming, such as on a swim-team. Knowing how to swim will increase a child’s survival potential and help them the potential of saving other children during a water hazard.

Entertainment

Continue to read to your child on a regular basis. Pick the same night every week and let them stay up late with you. Read to them or work on a craft project together or simply have a chat. If you have two or more children, schedule separate nights up for each. You can even rotate the nights up to keep things fairly balanced and interesting.

Responsibility

Think of ways to give your children the opportunities to learn responsibility and to think rationally for themselves. Simple things such as letting them help you do chores and prepare meals can help build confidence and skills. Let them make certain decisions for themselves and give them a logical explanation as to the pros and cons of certain decisions. Point out all possible dangerous outcomes that you know of and suggest how they can make the best decisions based on the particular situations.

Sex Education

Discuss the basics of sex as early as possible, repeat the basics and then go into detail later. Important issues can always be repeated over the years for added instruction. We are sexual beings and curiosity about gender differences and anatomy can start at a very early age. It is better to have the foreknowledge and logic early than to discover it by oneself or haphazardly from other children.

Sexual activity cannot be suppressed but it is possible to impress your children with a sense of responsibility and maturity regarding sexual issues. Then, they will at least treat sex with respect and know that intimate, relationships and starting a family are best accomplished when more knowledge and experience are gained.

If given a solid grounding of knowledge, young people can make intelligent decisions based on objective thinking and facts.

Education

Evidence indicates that young children can pick up second or even multiple languages easier than adults. Not only teach them common languages, but also find ways of exposing them to complex languages such as Japanese, Russian, or any other language to help push their knowledge-absorbing brains to their full potential. As soon as they can write, then carry that multi-language skill into that particular ability to communicate. Of course, it helps to have people around that speak and write the secondary languages, and who can help teach your children. If none are available, then consider audio programs where you all can join in and learn. Make it into an enjoyable game to increase the child’s desire and attention.

Stimulating Conversations

For the younger children, expand on the complexity of the bedtime stories. Present topics such as notable people in history, especially the creative designers, artists, medical pioneers, and any type of explorer. For the older children, turn the story-time into discussion time of your child’s vision of their future, or with current issues. If you know of any, use references to famous people to correlate what your child is going through and what they are interested in pursing.

Always use positive reinforcement, even if you are disciplining your child. Positive methods help teach logical behaviors. Negative discipline invokes irrational and even damaging behaviors.

What would you do? is a question that inspires contemplation and integration of what is known in order to come up with valid solutions. Ask it often; even after your child asks for your opinion or help.

To help increase your child’s safety, have an occasional fire drill or environmental hazard drill to give them that extra edge in dangerous situations. By holding these types of drills, it will also help to increase confidence and teach them to think fast during stressful and life-threatening situations. Make sure to have an evacuation plan in place to ensure safe exits from your home. Continue these drills every so often and throughout the years.

(continued June 29 2009: Raising Super Children Ages 8 through 12)

Your Children

Until your children can make objective, rational decisions for themselves, they are your responsibility. Train them to be responsible and productive at an early age and continue to impress the importance of responsibility and productivity well into adulthood. Remember that impressing is different from manipulating and force. Provide an objective and yet easy-going environment from which your children can rise to greatness on their own!

An Individual

It is important for you to understand that your child is a unique individual and every right and freedom applies to every individual. Therefore, afford them 100% individual freedom to be the person that they want to be.

Think of yourself as a guide that has a positive influence on another human being. Of course there are things you need to do for your child regardless if they want to or not, but suspend any controlling aspect of your own personality and habits, and truly allow your child to develop on their own accord. You are just an experienced life-traveler transferring your knowledge to your pupil. It is up to them to choose and to learn.

Learning

Even if your child is diagnosed with a learning disability, these techniques can help awaken even the most challenged individual’s full potential. Never give up on anyone, especially the children. Unique human conditions such as autism can be a tremendous advantage and benefit at any age.

Basic Safety Guide

This part was mainly written for new parents or guardians that do not have any education in parenting; in addition, other people can benefit from these suggestions as well.

Never shake a child for any reason. Shaking a youngster can cause serious brain and neck injury and even death.

Always keep drugs, chemicals and hazardous materials out of the reach of children. Lock cabinets if you have to or install childproof latches.

Mouth Open, Insert Object

The first thing an infant will do after grabbing something is to put the object in their mouth. This is how they interact with and learn about their surroundings.

Make sure toys are clean and appropriate for your infant’s age. Buttons and other small toy parts can choke babies. Do not place sharp object within reach. Check to make sure electrical cords are securely tucked away. If a child can grab whatever it is, you know they will try. Kids are little explorers of their new universe.

Always test the temperature of hot foods before giving them to your child. Take a small bite yourself to test things. The underside of your wrist is a great place to test liquids. A metal spoon can be hotter than the food. The denser a substance, the longer it will retain heat.

Plug up unused electrical outlets with plastic plugs specifically designed to prevent children from sticking object into the slots.

Children mimic other people, so they will try to grab tools or anything else they see you using. They will try opening every door they see you access.

Make sure you test bath water temperature before placing a child into it. Remember, children are more sensitive to heat and cold, so always keep them comfortable.

Dangerous Situations

Keep your eyes on your child in the bath and never leave young children unattended. Children can drown in as little as an inch deep of water, so no buckets left out containing liquids. Also, be careful around swimming pools, Jacuzzis, and other bodies of water. Teach your kids to swim as young as possible so that they can save themselves if they have to. A child can get water in their lungs and die later from what is called dry-drowning. Teach them to bend over so that fluids run out of the lungs.

Never leave a child alone in car. During the day with the windows rolled up, the temperature inside a car can jump to lethal levels in a matter of minutes or even seconds depending on the outside temperature.

Be careful while carrying your child to avoid accidental bumping while moving through doorways and around hard furniture. Make sure you have a good grip so as not to drop your baby.

Sickness

Recognize when your children are sick. Don’t hesitate to take them to the doctor if they are acting strange or if a fever gets too high. Talk to your pediatrician about the specifics regarding health warning signs and when to take emergency action.

Toxins

The heavy metal lead is more toxic to children than it is to adults and can cause severe brain damage. Remove lead based paints from the living place. Most candlewicks have a lead core that vaporizes into the air when burned, so avoid that type of wick even if you don’t have children.

Smoking

Keep any type of smoke away from your child. They’ll get enough unavoidable air pollution while growing up, so adding to that by smoking around children can diminish their chances at a long life.

Diet

Eliminate refined sugar completely from your family’s diet if you can. We know that means eliminating a majority of the processed foods available, but your baby and whole family will be much better off without sweets. Did you know that chemically, refined sugar and cocaine differ only slightly? Sugar is highly addictive and it can cause imbalances and deterioration in a developing human brain and body.

While we are on the subject of diet, another dangerous food additive to eliminate is Monosodium Glutamate (MSG). This approved flavor enhancer acts directly on the brain and nervous system, and it is very addictive. MSG is probably one of the biggest contributors to obesity. If you find yourself craving certain foods or even specific restaurants, you can bet that those food manufacturers and establishments are feeding you food intentionally spiked with MSG.

Here is a great article on the dangers of MSG:

http://www.rense.com/general52/msg.htm

Be aware that even foods labeled as organic still may contain MSG.

Discipline, Martial Arts

Finally, never smack your child around in order to “toughen them up”. Enroll them in sports and martial arts if they want, but never cause physical or mental abuse to teach self-confidence. Hitting or pushing a child only teaches that child that they need to be violent and a bully to get their way. These people usually wind up in jail or dead at an early age.

Martial arts training are great ways to teach protection through self-defense. It also teaches coordination and confidence.

If a child wants to be a weakling or completely passive, that is their right to choose by their own free-will. You will never get anywhere positive with a child by being bullish or mean. Try a compassionate, confident approach tempered with patience and you will see any child’s learning capacity increase. Make any situation a fun and learning experience for your child and you will be richly rewarded with a friend for life!

The Critical Years

Use the following age-bracketed guide as just that, a guide. Some children will develop faster than other children, so feel free to apply later-stage techniques earlier on if you see rapid development.

Birth Through Three Years Of Age

Some people downplay the first three years of life, as if it is not that important of a period in development. As with every stage of life, this period is extremely crucial in jump-starting personality, intelligence, and awareness of reality. Infants learn to judge what they experience in their surroundings and then learn to adjust their actions to learn more.

By providing more than the typical interactions and stimuli, you can positively affect the development of your child.

Holding Your Baby

Years ago, a study showed that in third world countries where mothers continuously hold infants throughout the day, those children have a lower mortality rate than in underdeveloped countries where mother-child contact is minimal.

Share in the training! Have other members of the family hold infants as much as possible. Even if you cannot hold your baby all the time, keep them close so that they can observe your activities and so that you can make frequent physical contact and conversation with them.

Keeping them in a back room devoid of human interaction is unhealthy. If you cannot keep in frequent contact with your baby, then hire someone that can help you do that. This interpersonal contact is extremely important in maximizing beneficial affects.

Display as much happiness to your infant as possible. Help them to laugh and play. If you grew up without much interaction between yourself and your parents or guardians, then it may take a little effort to get in the habit of being affectionate and in communicating on a regular basis with your baby. Evolve your parenting skills from adequate to exceptional and from exceptional to outstanding.

Communication

Although your newborn cannot understand language yet, talking to them will increase the bonding connection between the two of you. They will learn to key in on your voice. When they are just a little older, you’ll be surprised at how much they do understand. Talk to them as often as possible, and say their name frequently.

Infants can differentiate between some communications, for example, they can interpret your body language instinctively and they do know the difference between happiness and anger. Also, they can learn the meaning of words such as yes, no, okay, and look.

Try using the words no and don’t as little as possible. If you can’t think of a positive way to say something in order to correct a child, then be specific as to why you are saying no or don’t. Children of all ages tend to ignore negative commands. Use constructive alternatives and logic to dissuade certain behavior, but even more so, use positive reinforcement as to why other behavior is better. Scare tactics and threats never work.

Be Positive

Be as positive as possible around your baby. Keep negative attitudes, arguments and bad talk between you and other people away from your child. They do not deserve that type of mental stress at such a young age. They may not understand what you are yelling about but they do react adversely to hostility even when it is not directed at them. On the flip side, they develop very well under happy and fun conditions. They will also develop neutrally under stale or neutral conditions, so it’s better to surround your household with laughter and genuine caring. Humor is an important human evolutionary step, as is feeling and showing love to your family.

Children are also smarter than you may think and they can show signs of comprehension long before they can even talk. Much of what a child learns is by observing other people. They will begin to mimic your gestures and other mannerisms including your speech.

Education

You can get them started on the alphabet and basic math skills by counting to them and explaining simple operations such as addition and subtraction. Repetition is also the key to engraining information.

They can also easily learn the meaning of more complex spoken words and sentences. Therefore, along with talking in goofy baby-talk-like babble to your child, talk to them often as you would to adults. Even if you think they don’t understand you, keep up the conversations and the physical stimulus. Again, these types of actions helps to bond you two together and it helps familiarize your child with normal talk. Ask them questions that even require a response and see how easily your child will adapt to the new stimulus. Just remember that at this stage this is for brain development only, so no expectations of intelligent response should be set until later.

Stimulus

Along with talking to and holding your baby, introduce as much stimulus as possible to your child. You don’t want to overdo anything, and you do want to keep your baby’s safety your number one priority, so no loud music or noises, and no startling your child on purpose. Keep the traumatic experiences to a minimum – although, you can’t prevent everything from happening. If your child is unexpectedly shocked and cries, console them and reassure them as soon as you can. Talk to them logically about negative things or mishaps that they experience.

By using the phrase, it’s okay repeatedly, your child will learn to relax when coaxed correctly. This will help train them to expect surprises without getting emotional about everything. If you hug them to reassure them, then eventually set them at arms distance while still reassuring them vocally. This can inspire your child to take separation from you as a sign for them to work on the trauma as an individual. In other words, try not to smother a child with over-protective I’ll take care of it for you training. The idea is to trigger an early sense of individuality, rational thinking, and personal strength within your babies.

Very young children also need quiet time and time to themselves. There are myriad selections of toys for infants that help develop coordination and self-entertainment skills.

Use colorful distractions or re-directive techniques to take a child’s mind off a tantrum or crying spell. Again, never shake a child! In fact, reduce physical contact in the act of discipline to minimal or even to none at all. You can get your educational point across without using force or pain tactics. Anger or force will usually always be met with resistance and sometimes even resentment. Become your child’s best friend.

For newborns, black and white images with sharp contrasting angles can help stimulate eye acuity and brain development. Intermix neon-bright colors with high contrast images several times a day and increase the frequency of the colors as your baby gets older. Hold the objects at various focal distances and movements to help develop depth perception and eye coordination. You can easily make flashcard like stimulus tools for direct intentional training and even add an artsy mobile hanging over the cradle.

Consider painting the nursery walls with the same high-contrast, black and white, plus colorful images. Various lighting techniques can also add another realm of stimulation to your child’s visual senses.

Music and other sounds can broaden a child’s mental conceptualizing abilities. Associating visual and auditory stimulus together helps to link those two important functions together.

Start reading to your child at least as early as three years of age, and get in the habit of reading a chapter to them every night before you tuck them in for sleep. Reading opens the creative mind for mental imagery and fantasy. Reading right before sleep sets in motion a subconscious development that can be enhanced and molded into a powerful creative force. Simple entertaining stories with vivid pictures are fine in the first few years. You can progress to more in-depth and complex stories once a child has learned to process and understand language and concepts.

Stories

If reading mystically based stories, be sure to either preface the story with an explanation of the difference between make-believe and reality. Even young children can understand what is fact and what is fiction, but it is also important to make sure they know what is fact and what is flat out wrong. Point out logic and illogic, rational ideas and irrational ideas. Even better, ask them questions to see if they can pick out the differences on their own.

Make a point of mixing in factual stories along with the fairy-tales and fiction. Consider expanding on what was talked about in the fictional books after you are finished reading. Pull out an encyclopedia and use it to explain what an ittsy-bitsy spider is, for example.

Use television sparingly as a babysitting tool. Interpersonal contact is a better stimulus; however, some TV entertainment can broaden and inspire a budding, creative mind. Again, be sure to indicate what is real and what is fictional, and especially what is mystical.

Expose your baby to music not only to entertain but also to help expand the creative mind and increase brain-cell development. Try to keep the volume at an acceptable level instead of blasting the speakers around sensitive ears. Vary the music from classical to rock to pop and everything in between. Verbalize your selections as you start the music so that they learn to associate genre and artists, and eventually ask them what they are interested in listening to at various times. Helping them to make a choice on their own helps them increase their cognitive skills. Pick up your child and dance!

Introduce them early on to other people of all ages to begin the socialization process. This is especially important for children that act shy or reluctant to interact with other people. By getting them used to interpersonal interactions now, this will help them to be well adjusted long before they enter the school system.

The issue of safety and strangers are discussed in this next age range.

Sex Education

When is the best time to discuss sex with your child? We are sexual beings, and a healthy attitude coupled with responsibility can be the basis for presenting the issues of sex and biological reproduction to young children. Simple basics can be discussed early on by using examples in animal behavior, and then more complex issues can be discussed about how it all ties in with them in the upcoming years.

Stimulating Conversations

Say, “look!” and their name while pointing to objects at various distances. This helps associate your voice and the word with turning your child’s attention to the requested point of interest. The various distances helps to broaden your child’s immediate awareness of his or her surroundings.

Count from one to three, and on three, do something, such as roll a ball or perform some other type of auditory, tactile or visual stimulus. Repeat the counting exercise every day and several times a day while adding to the different types of stimulus. This exercise helps train the developing mind for expectations, so along with the repetition method, throw in a curve every now and then. For example, go straight to three! and perform the stimulus, or count, one, two, two and a half, two and three-quarters, two and seven-eighths, three! These psychological curves help to train a developing mind to expect the unexpected. Also, place objects in front of your baby as you count past three to ten. Hold up fingers as you count to add to the visual stimulus factor. This additional form of counting helps a mind to expect variety and differences with similar actions.

Sing to your baby and talk to them as you carry them around and do tasks. Even if you can’t carry tune, sing along with children’s songs simply to help fire those neurons into branching and developing the brain. Explain what you are doing as detailed as you can get. This continual type of communication will help a developing mind to expand in order to try to learn the new information. Even if your child acts as if they are oblivious to what you are saying, keep saying it. This conditions a mind to expect information that is beyond comprehension. If the information is repeated at the initial stage and then repeated a few days later, and then a week, a month, and etc, this helps ingrain the ability to learn in a super-human fashion. Keep your conversations as rational as possible.

As mentioned previously, read often to your child, or even make up your own stories to make a point or to stimulate imagination. Regardless of what you think your child is able to comprehend, go beyond the assumed intelligence in case their mind is able to stretch and learn. Revisit complex stories later, even just a few months later and you might be surprised how much your child remembers and comprehends. Be sure to ask questions about the repeated story and explain concepts portrayed and morals the author was trying to portray. Always point out mystical thinking by authors and provide alternative thinking examples to instill logical thought processes.

(continued June 22, 2009: Raising Super Children Ages 4 – 7)

Why do people have affairs?

The main reason people have affairs is because they aren’t happy in the relationship and they are too weak to face up to it. That may sound harsh, but if they were strong, they would be able to resist the temptation, and have the strength to say no to the affair.

If they were truly happy in their relationship, straying would be the last thing on their mind. If they were unhappy, then they should have the strength to end the relationship before starting an affair.

Having an affair is a weak person’s attempt to gain happiness. They don’t have the strength to face up to their partner and do the honest thing. Yes, splitting up will hurt them, but not as much as they’ll be hurt by finding out about the affair.

The desire to have an affair in the first place is proof that one is not happy. If you have this desire, you need to seriously question whether or not you are happy with your partner. If you’re not, then you must be honest with them and call it off.

Pretending to love them is not doing them or you any favors. You will just end up getting deeper into the relationship and find it harder to get out. Their hopes will get higher and higher.

You’re then stuck with a choice of two paths. Follow the first path and live your life secretly miserable, lying to your partner daily, pretending to love them, possibly finding your happiness elsewhere by having an affair, all the while depriving them of true love that someone else could provide.

The other path is where you lie to yourself, and pretend you’re happy. This will ultimately lead to misery because you can’t lie to yourself forever. Eventually you will come to severely regret all your lost time, and all the loves you’ve missed out on.

The only way to escape this situation is to be honest with both yourself and your partner, and break up. Then you will both be free to find honest romantic relationships, where true love is reflected by both partners.

What about getting back together after an affair?

People and situations change. Both parties need to be sure that they are able to live with the past infidelity. Be honest in a relationship and be honest with yourself.

Can you truly live with the knowledge that your partner had an affair? If so, then what might happen if your partner has another affair? Have you both really addressed the happiness issue and have you both done enough to fulfill each other’s wants and desires? Some people need diversity and although you may love each other fully, you or your partner may have sexual longings that cannot be fulfilled in a committed relationship. In most cases, an open relationship will not work and will only succeed in driving the relationship apart. This is mainly due to the possibility that love-attention can shift toward other sex partners and interest can diminish toward the original partner.

If your partner is the one that had the affair, find out exactly what it was that influenced your partner to seek sex outside your relationship. If it is something you can change about yourself, are you willing to change in order to keep your partner’s interest.

If you were the one that had the affair and you and your partner are willing to work on the relationship, let your partner know exactly what it was that influenced you to stray. With a little coaching and the desire to fulfill each other’s needs and desires, it is possible to become the best lovers for each other. Be supportive of each other’s short-comings and strengths, and work together to surpass and evolve the intimacy that you once shared. This may even take the help of a sex therapist or marriage counselor, but it is possible to work on your relationship together.

If your relationship has ended due to an affair of your partner, know that it was because of their issues and know that a better relationship is possible.

It may take some major readjusting being single again, so get out there and meet people again. When you’ve found a potential mate and the time is right, give enough accurate information about yourself without making it seem as if you are fishing for compliments or being an egomaniac. Telling someone you are dynamite in bed early on will probably kill your chances. If it ever gets around to sex, your new partner will realize your abilities at that time, so bragging about it up front will probably be seen as a lie to get them to be sexual with you.

You sometimes need to be strong to be honest. It’s important that you are. It’s not just someone else’s happiness at stake — it’s yours too. Constantly assess your happiness.

What if there are children involved?

We still recommend that you be a total parent to your children, regardless of how much time you will be able to spend with them. But having children is not a good excuse to stay together. If parents are good friends to each other and both can live together while having separate lives, yet still be there for their children, there is a chance that might work.

If there is still conflict between you and your partner and it comes out enough that your children see it, then that could have a detrimental affect on how they perceive relationships. Unless you are truly good friends with your partner and your children are told what the situation is and they are fully okay with you two being emotionally (and sexually) separated, it is probably better to conduct your other relationships separate from your home life.

It would be good to share your outside partner with your children so that they know about your other relationships, but we recommend that you keep your casual dating separate from your married life and do your ‘sleepovers’ separate too. If your children ask, always give them a straight answer and any honest explanation to satisfy their curiosity.

Fighting in front of children is not a very good educational base or interpersonal skills from which a child can learn. Arguing logically in front of children might help a child to learn debating skills, but once it gets emotional and illogical, then it doesn’t help a developing child’s ability to use logic while negotiating with peers and adults.

How can infidelity be prevented?

Whether it is people vying for the eye and affections of your love partner, or whether it is incompatibilities that are driving a wedge into your current relationship, there is a way that you can turn the tables and be the indisputable number one choice in the mind of your partner.

How? By out-competing everything and everyone that is in competition with you.

Being an honest, integrated thinker and a value creator while doing what you love does emanate an air of confidence from you, and subsequently increases your competitive worth from not only your perspective but also in the minds of the people around you.

Showing your partner or potential partner that you are genuinely interested in who they are and what they do in their life does increase your competitive worth from their perspective.

We all like validation from people we care about. It is a thrill to be acknowledged and admired by the people we love or to whom we are attracted. Being supportive and even getting involved in your partner’s favorite pastimes and creative efforts, whether you like his or her interests or not, will increase your competitive worth in their eyes.

Being competitive also means knowing when to make your presence known and when to bide your time on the sidelines.

The best way to be competitive is through your actions as long as you are being you and not some made-up fantasy derived from an advice column. Go the extra mile and do the extra little things that will have your potential partner noticing on their own. Confidence without the macho-ego parade will go further with people than will a front that seems fake.

Can a relationship survive an affair?

All in all, it is best to be honest about anything, including affairs, but better yet, be up-front and honest to your partner before anything like that occurs. If you cannot come to some equal ground between you two and your needs-wants are not being met in the relationship, then why stay together? If you stay together for the children’s sake, then try to remain friends so that there is no tension that can be witnessed or translated to your kids. Be open with your children and give them valid and honest reasons why your relationship is the way it is.