Prejudice Against You

If you’ve ever experienced prejudice against you, you know how absurd and even ridiculous it is for people to prejudge or think less of you based on how you look, your age, your gender, your ancestry, or your religious/non-religious beliefs. After all, wouldn’t it be best if everyone treated you fairly without regard to superficial things that might make you different? So what if you are different than other people? So what if other people are different from you? This is the human race and not a collection of separate races. People that insist on separating other people into groups are typically bigots. They think that their group is better and should receive preferential treatment for everything. Every individual deserves to be treated equally. The ridiculousness of prejudice is apparent to you when it’s directed at you, so why not afford all people the same respect as human beings of the human race.

You are absolutely free to be a bigot if you choose, but can you live amongst and work with people with whom you hate and keep your hateful ideas and opinions to yourself? Can you see the ridiculousness of being outwardly prejudice against another human being? It truly is a waste of time and does nothing to celebrate life in all of its diversities. Leave the hate and the stress behind and coexist!

Guess what? What people think of you is none of your business and what you think of me is none of my business. Click here to read this Power Essence article on this very topic What you Think of Me.

It’s always better and a benefit to you if you learn to Help Others. Everyone benefits in a pay-it-forward world.

The Prime Law

The rights of the individual are rights and should never be decided upon or voted on and always honorably protected for EVERYONE! Only con-artists, criminals, control freaks, and psychopaths restrict or strip away freedoms and rights with illegal laws and force.

Please visit this facebook page and ‘like’ and share if you agree with this constitution of the universe: The Prime Law

Click here for The Prime Law if you’re not at facebook.

Here is the only political party based on The Prime Law — The Twelve Visions Party.

Human Innovation

You never know from whom might come the next great innovation and invention. Everyone has the potential of adding incredible value to the world. If you restrict individuals for any reason, you block potential talent from being experienced and shared. That person you normally would hate might save your life someday either directly or through some device or procedure or medical innovation. Can you see the ridiculousness in holding prejudice against someone and to limit any human being from fully experiencing their life? Someone who has found their passion and added wonderful value to your life is a good person, regardless of your personal opinions of that person’s differences. Everyone deserves and has the RIGHT to live their life freely in the way that they choose to live. It’s important to provide nurturing environments to everyone. A supportive environment provides the conditions where a human being can truly flourish and add value and innovation to the world. Inspire and encourage everyone to find their passions and to LIVE those passions!

Changing Yourself

Habits are hard to break yet they can be fully replaced with good habits. If you are prejudicial against other people and you want to change that, then read this Power Essence article on Behavior Conditioning. Changing yourself is easier than you might expect!

Self Confidence

Sometimes bigotry comes from low self-esteem. When people feel inferior to other people or they envy the good fortune or talents of other people, the tendency is to find a fault in those people, such as superficial differences. Here is another great Power Essence article on Self Confidence.

Respect My Authoritiiii!

Sometimes authority advocates prejudice. There are cases where military officials have taken action against groups of people within their own ranks. If an authority over you instructs you to violate the inalienable rights of any other human being, that person of authority should be removed from that position of power and arrested/charged with the crime. Blindly following orders is no defense. Commit the violation and you’re a culprit too, regardless of how far up the command chain the order originated.

Good government is welcome and necessary in some respects. Government should be protection only and never prejudicial. We advocate that you become your own authority and Free Your Mind!

image by Maxwell Jennings

Warning!

Warning! Most if not all Internet dating sites use fraudulent tactics to get your money! Prosecutors at all levels of government need to know this information! It’s time to crush the con games/scams!

Free Membership

How many other people have experienced this? You sign up under the dating site’s free membership, but you either can’t read emails from other members or you can’t send emails, or maybe you’re not allowed to view their photos. Warning! It’s always something about the freebie membership that will make you want to pay to upgrade!

Teasers

Soon after you’ve joined at the free level, you get maybe at least one view or one email a day from supposed real members. Even the we-match-you-on-compatibility website sends you matches they’ve supposedly picked for you, but the only way to respond or view your matches is to upgrade. This should be the big red warning flag!

Right before one of their communicate-for-free weekends comes up, they flood you with match-notices, but after their promotional weekend, the match-notices taper off and even stop. I’ve even caught this last implied singles site using false advertising.

The Let-Down

Here’s the clincher and the warning. After you upgrade your membership, if you send communications to anyone that sent you an email while you were a freebie-basic member, you might get one or two simple replies back, but that will be it, and even then the communication stops right there or soon after.

There are real members at these places. The chore and the challenge is to determine which is which.

Fakes

My guess is that most internet dating services pad their real membership roster with made-up memberships. They use some of these fake members as teasers to get people to join. This is where the fraud is — in contriving memberships to use as lures to get people to pay to join up. To compound the fraud, most places try to trap you into a recurring membership where your credit card is charged once a month, and you may not even realize that until the charges show up. Read the fine print! Warning! You are being suckered and separated from your money and it’s almost impossible to prove it! It’s pretty much easy money for these singles sites.

As it happened to me, if you let your paid membership default back to their freebie-basic membership, expect to see your in-box increase one a day at least, because now that you’re not a paying member, all the hot people want to know you! It’s almost all con artistry on the part of the founders/CEOs to push the right buttons to make you cough up money. So again, warning!

Boycott Dishonest Businesses

So, what can we do about this problem of dishonest businesses cheating us out of our hard-earned money? For one, we can stop using their services and put the dishonest ones out of business.

Honest business people can create real and valuable businesses, intent on bringing true value to those people that want it. We need to hold business to accountability, fairness, and honesty, else feel the collective boycott! With enough pressure from us all, we can weed out the con artists and dishonest businesses. All it takes is to notice the dishonest patterns that businesses use and then call them on it or stop putting money into their businesses.

Internet dating sites are just a small example and a tiny speck on the gigantic iceberg of dishonest businesses.

Our Demands

Here are our list of demands to all businesses:

Keep it 100% honest.

Keep it 100% green (clean environment) always.

Find ways to support sustainability by producing things that last instead of breaking down so easily, requiring us to buy more.

Find ways to reduce prices so that everyone can enjoy what you have to offer.

Learn to adapt and to not expect governments (our tax dollars) to bail you out. Either adapt or go extinct!

written by Maxwell Jennings

image freedigitalphotos.net

Marriage is a big commitment, and you want to make sure you get it right with the right person. Whether you are entering a life-long intimate partnership or a legally recognized marriage, it’s best to know the person with whom you are going to spend the rest of your life.

You can either ask these pre-marriage questions or find them out in other ways. Doing so will help you get to know how your potential spouse will react in the future or if it is even worth getting into marriage with particular people or if you are even the marriage type.

Ask yourself these questions as well, since any potential partner may ask you similar questions to see if you are worthy of marriage. If you both differ too much, then it is worth reevaluating marriage potential. It’s not necessary to be 100% compatible since many of these issues listed below can be met with compromise and acceptance in any marriage and they are completely subjective in importance from person to person and from couple to couple.

Big Issues

• Do you believe in marriage?
• Are you ready for a marriage commitment now or later?
• Do you consider yourself a positive person?
• What are some things that make you angry?
• How do you deal with anger?
• Do you typically forgive easily or hold a grudge?
• What is unforgivable to you?
• Do you like to talk about major issues?
• Can you take responsibility for your actions and own up to your mistakes?
• How do you behave in a crisis-emergency situation?
• How do you treat your family?
• How do you treat strangers?
• How do you treat pets and animals in general?
• How do you deal with money?
• If you had a relationship with someone and they came partially incapacitated either physically or mentally would you continue to be by their side and support them 100%?
• What are your expectations about the future?
• What is your ideal job?
• What is your current job?
• Do you have or want children and how many?
• What are your current living arrangements?
• What are your ideal living arrangements?
• Are you religious or what are your beliefs in general – spiritual, agnostic, atheist?

Relationship roles

image freedigitalphotos.net

• In relationships, are you dominant, submissive, or an equal partner?
• Do you think both of us should work?
• Do you want to stay home to raise the children?
• Do you want me to stay home?

Bringing up children

• What is your ideal education for children – home school, private school, public school?
• Should we teach our children our beliefs or let them learn on their own?
• Will we limit social interactions with other children?
• What type of child-care and babysitters should we use?
• Do you have career expectations for our children?
• What kinds of discipline are appropriate – spanking or other types?

Medical background

• Any incurable STDs?
• Have you ever had an HIV test?
• Any other incurable diseases, genetic or otherwise?
• Any family history of diseases physical or mental?
• Have you ever been near death? From what?
• Have you ever had a surgical operation and for what?
• Are you healthy?
• Do you have any chronic pains?
• Are you on any medications? If so, which ones and for what reasons?

General habits

• Are you a vegetarian/vegan or meat eater?
• Do you have a specialized diet, that is, do you eat healthy or do you eat anything?
• What are your hobbies?
• What do you like to do after work?
• What do you do for entertainment?
• Do you have any vices?
• What are your pet peeves?
• Do you smoke? If so, how often?
• Do you drink alcohol? If so, how often and how much?
• Do you do drugs? If so, which ones and how often?
• Have you ever been to any type of rehabilitation and for what?
• Do you exercise and what types and how often?

image freedigitalphotos.net

Pets

• What are your likes and dislikes for pets?
• Do you want pets?
• Do you already have pets?
• Are you allergic to any animals?

Favorites

• What are your favorite books?
• Any favorite movies?
• Do you play video/computer games?
• How much television do you watch a day?
• Any favorite TV shows?
• What’s your favorite food?
• What would you take to a desert island if you could only take 5 things?

Dates, Friends, Family, Guests

• Do you live alone or with roommates or with family?
• Do you like guests at the house and how often?
• Do you prefer going out to meet friends and how often?
• Do you prefer going to friends’ homes and how often?
• Do you prefer going out alone as a couple or meeting friends?
• Do you want to go out together all the time?
• Do you need alone time?
• Are you okay with having your partner go out without you?
• Which are your favorite holidays?
• Are there any you dislike?
• Which holidays do you look forward to each year?
• Are there any that you bypass and why?

image freedigitalphotos.net

Sex

• How many sexual partners have you had thus far?
• Have you ever cheated on a relationship?
• Have you ever had a casual fling?
• In a marriage, how frequently do you want sex – once a month, once a week, or once a day, or more?
• Any sexual fantasies?
• For those fantasies, can they be left as fantasies or are there any that you definitely want to be fulfilled?
• Are you bi-curious and if so, to what extent – just sexually or relationship-wise too?
• Are you into mate swapping?
• Are you into group sex?

Financial

• Do you work for someone or independently?
• Do you have debts — serious or minor, and what is your outstanding debt?
• How much do you earn a year?
• How much have you saved?
• What’s your net worth including assets and savings?
• Do you own or rent?
• Do you give to charity or donate your time to worthwhile causes?

Moral

• Do you believe in abortion?
• What are your thoughts on homosexuality?
• What are your thoughts on using science to “play god”?

Family Life

• How were you raised?
• By single or dual parents?
• What are some of your family’s traits and quirks?
• Do you get along with your family?

Friends

• What characteristics do you look for in people as far as choosing your friends?
• Are you a social butterfly or do you have a small group of good friends?
• Any really strange friends?
• How many friends?
• Are you a person that gets along with anyone you meet, or are you very picky about who you get along with?

image freedigitalphotos.net

Marriage

• Have you been married before?
• How many times?
• How long did each marriage last?
• Why did your marriages end?
• If you were never married, were you ever engaged?
• If you’ve never been married, why not?
• Why are you seeking marriage at this point in your life?

Fun

• What do you do for fun?
• Anything that can only be done by yourself?
• If you were to win a trip somewhere, where would you want it to be and why?
• What do you think your 5 strongest characteristics are?
• What do you feel that your 5 weakest characteristics are?
• Anything else that you want to share?

written by Stuart Dobson and Maxwell Jennings

Images courtesy freedigitalphotos.net

Of course, to be in a relationship there must be two willing partners. If either person is unwilling or being forced to any degree, then it is not an enriching, loving, supportive partnership. The best type of relationships are based on honesty, trust, creativity, and true partnership.

Find someone that is willing to be a true partner with you. Increase your competitive worth by being the best possible partner in all respects. As you increase your confidence in yourself by choosing to be your own authority and in doing what you love to do in life, then your attraction level increases. Increasing your successes increases your confidence, which in turn will attract successful people to you.

Once you’ve found that special person, it is possible to have a life-long and always loving relationship.

If you are doing what you love to do, and your partner is doing what they love to do, then there is little room for conflict. By using logical thoughts to work out differences, and by supporting each other in your passion focuses, those things alone can keep a relationship growing indefinitely. Show genuine interest in your partner’s passions.

What if Two People Grow Apart?

That does happen. We are by no means obligated to anyone else, so, ending a relationship might be necessary in some cases. That might seem strange to some people, but we really are not obligated to anyone else in any way.

Always try to be supportive to your partner and to voice any concerns in a positive manner. Learn to take criticism constructively without letting it affect your emotions. All disagreements can be resolved peacefully and the evolved couple will always strive to work out even the smallest disagreement.

An evolved, intimate pair will always use 100% honesty.

Each person will know exactly how to celebrate their partner’s individuality and freedoms. The ultimate mental intimacy and pleasure can come from an evolved love partnership. Each person will know of and utilize those situations and techniques which bring both partners ultimate ecstasy.

Is it wise to compete with your loved one’s passion or life focus?

Most people are self-centered in their actions and directives, so interrupting them may cause some conflicts. However, if your partner interrupts your value creating, then by giving them your undivided attention your competitive worth increases by showing that you have genuine interest in your partner.

How to Have a Meaningful, Lasting Relationship

The best relationships are based on honesty, trust, creativity, and partnership. True partners support each other’s goals and needs.

Increase your competitive worth by being the best possible partner in all respects. Increasing your confidence in yourself by choosing to be your own authority and in doing what you love to do in life will increase your attraction level. Increasing your successes increases your confidence and will attract successful people to you.

With that one special person, it is possible to have a life-long and loving relationship.

Use logical thoughts to work out differences and support and show interest in each other’s passion focuses, and a relationship will keep growing indefinitely.

We are not obligated to anyone else, so, ending a relationship might be necessary in some cases.

Be supportive to your partner and communicate concerns in a positive manner.

Evolved couples will use 100% honesty and celebrate each other’s individuality and freedoms. Intimacy and pleasure comes from an evolved love partnership, so learn the situations and techniques which bring both of you ultimate ecstasy.

Be honest in your relationships and be honest with yourself about your commitment level.

Be the best competition and your partner will see the value in being with only you.

© Yuri Arcurs - Fotolia.com

You should do your best to avoid this scenario at all costs.

In fact, if it ends up going this way, address it! In a funny way of course. A first date should be fun. Of course it’s nerve-racking but you’re not going to get a second date if you spend the first one being nervous and shy.

Some of the best first dates you can have, are ones where you don’t speak about your backgrounds, your lives, your jobs, or anything like that. Just have fun! These are the dates to remember. There should be banter, laughing, and fun. This builds up sexual tension and attraction far more than any intense, awkward question and answer sessions.

The dates that turn into question and answer sessions usually fail badly. In fact, an OK date can plummet into this when there is nothing there, when you run out of stuff to say, so you resort to these sort of questions. Avoid this!

So what do you talk about on a first date?

• Be unexpected. Talk about something original, something to set you aside from all the rest.
• Avoid giving straight answers. Sound strange? Try it. You’ll surprise them and you’ll start banter between you. This is a great way of being unexpected and interesting.
• Be positive. You need to keep a good tone to the meeting and leave them with good memories of you.
• Try and keep the conversation about the other person as much as possible. People love to talk about themselves, it’s easy. Also, because they’ll want to know about you, they’ll keep trying to deflect it back and this is great for continuing the banter and keeping the conversation flowing.
• Ask open ended questions that will make them look into themselves for an answer. “How do you feel about” and “What if you were to” are the best question starters you’ll ever have. Note that asking how they feel about something rather than what they think are two very different questions. How they feel gets deeper and more personal to them, and can tell you a lot about them. They’ll appreciate your interest in their feelings.
• Be observant. Notice funny things around you. This will ensure you don’t feel trapped in a bubble and can also bring you closer together because it’s a shared experience.
• If you want to doing something different, try playing games. “The Cube” (http://personal.ansir.com/cub e.htm) is an ancient mind game that can help you get to know each other really well very quickly. There are others of course. This isn’t for everyone, but I thought I’d throw it in there.

Here’s what you don’t talk about

• Politics. It’s boring, and could end up in an argument when there are differing views.
• Religion. Even if you’ve definitely got the same faith, you may have different opinions about it, so this is best avoided.
• Personal attributes, especially their physical ones.
• Your own issues and insecurities.
• Anything negative. Leave all negative conversaion at home. Don’t complain about anything. Just remember that when they get home, their memories of the date will be dictated by their feelings. Any negative feelings will stick out in their mind.

Location

One important thing to think about is the location of the date. If you do it somewhere interesting, such as a comedy club, a zoo, or an art gallery, there will be something to take away the focus from the date and make it easier to relax. There will be conversation pointers to help you. Plus, it’s more fun than sitting in a trendy bar.

Date Within a Date

One final tip. The “Second Date” is is an excellent and little known technique for a first date.

Move location. Take them somewhere else, and amazingly, it feels like a second date. The ice will be well and truly broken. When you walk into a new place, you’ll both feel a connection, because you’re walking in together. It breaks any monotony that may have set in and opens the door for more fun.

Why do people have affairs?

The main reason people have affairs is because they aren’t happy in the relationship and they are too weak to face up to it. That may sound harsh, but if they were strong, they would be able to resist the temptation, and have the strength to say no to the affair.

If they were truly happy in their relationship, straying would be the last thing on their mind. If they were unhappy, then they should have the strength to end the relationship before starting an affair.

Having an affair is a weak person’s attempt to gain happiness. They don’t have the strength to face up to their partner and do the honest thing. Yes, splitting up will hurt them, but not as much as they’ll be hurt by finding out about the affair.

The desire to have an affair in the first place is proof that one is not happy. If you have this desire, you need to seriously question whether or not you are happy with your partner. If you’re not, then you must be honest with them and call it off.

Pretending to love them is not doing them or you any favors. You will just end up getting deeper into the relationship and find it harder to get out. Their hopes will get higher and higher.

You’re then stuck with a choice of two paths. Follow the first path and live your life secretly miserable, lying to your partner daily, pretending to love them, possibly finding your happiness elsewhere by having an affair, all the while depriving them of true love that someone else could provide.

The other path is where you lie to yourself, and pretend you’re happy. This will ultimately lead to misery because you can’t lie to yourself forever. Eventually you will come to severely regret all your lost time, and all the loves you’ve missed out on.

The only way to escape this situation is to be honest with both yourself and your partner, and break up. Then you will both be free to find honest romantic relationships, where true love is reflected by both partners.

What about getting back together after an affair?

People and situations change. Both parties need to be sure that they are able to live with the past infidelity. Be honest in a relationship and be honest with yourself.

Can you truly live with the knowledge that your partner had an affair? If so, then what might happen if your partner has another affair? Have you both really addressed the happiness issue and have you both done enough to fulfill each other’s wants and desires? Some people need diversity and although you may love each other fully, you or your partner may have sexual longings that cannot be fulfilled in a committed relationship. In most cases, an open relationship will not work and will only succeed in driving the relationship apart. This is mainly due to the possibility that love-attention can shift toward other sex partners and interest can diminish toward the original partner.

If your partner is the one that had the affair, find out exactly what it was that influenced your partner to seek sex outside your relationship. If it is something you can change about yourself, are you willing to change in order to keep your partner’s interest.

If you were the one that had the affair and you and your partner are willing to work on the relationship, let your partner know exactly what it was that influenced you to stray. With a little coaching and the desire to fulfill each other’s needs and desires, it is possible to become the best lovers for each other. Be supportive of each other’s short-comings and strengths, and work together to surpass and evolve the intimacy that you once shared. This may even take the help of a sex therapist or marriage counselor, but it is possible to work on your relationship together.

If your relationship has ended due to an affair of your partner, know that it was because of their issues and know that a better relationship is possible.

It may take some major readjusting being single again, so get out there and meet people again. When you’ve found a potential mate and the time is right, give enough accurate information about yourself without making it seem as if you are fishing for compliments or being an egomaniac. Telling someone you are dynamite in bed early on will probably kill your chances. If it ever gets around to sex, your new partner will realize your abilities at that time, so bragging about it up front will probably be seen as a lie to get them to be sexual with you.

You sometimes need to be strong to be honest. It’s important that you are. It’s not just someone else’s happiness at stake — it’s yours too. Constantly assess your happiness.

What if there are children involved?

We still recommend that you be a total parent to your children, regardless of how much time you will be able to spend with them. But having children is not a good excuse to stay together. If parents are good friends to each other and both can live together while having separate lives, yet still be there for their children, there is a chance that might work.

If there is still conflict between you and your partner and it comes out enough that your children see it, then that could have a detrimental affect on how they perceive relationships. Unless you are truly good friends with your partner and your children are told what the situation is and they are fully okay with you two being emotionally (and sexually) separated, it is probably better to conduct your other relationships separate from your home life.

It would be good to share your outside partner with your children so that they know about your other relationships, but we recommend that you keep your casual dating separate from your married life and do your ‘sleepovers’ separate too. If your children ask, always give them a straight answer and any honest explanation to satisfy their curiosity.

Fighting in front of children is not a very good educational base or interpersonal skills from which a child can learn. Arguing logically in front of children might help a child to learn debating skills, but once it gets emotional and illogical, then it doesn’t help a developing child’s ability to use logic while negotiating with peers and adults.

How can infidelity be prevented?

Whether it is people vying for the eye and affections of your love partner, or whether it is incompatibilities that are driving a wedge into your current relationship, there is a way that you can turn the tables and be the indisputable number one choice in the mind of your partner.

How? By out-competing everything and everyone that is in competition with you.

Being an honest, integrated thinker and a value creator while doing what you love does emanate an air of confidence from you, and subsequently increases your competitive worth from not only your perspective but also in the minds of the people around you.

Showing your partner or potential partner that you are genuinely interested in who they are and what they do in their life does increase your competitive worth from their perspective.

We all like validation from people we care about. It is a thrill to be acknowledged and admired by the people we love or to whom we are attracted. Being supportive and even getting involved in your partner’s favorite pastimes and creative efforts, whether you like his or her interests or not, will increase your competitive worth in their eyes.

Being competitive also means knowing when to make your presence known and when to bide your time on the sidelines.

The best way to be competitive is through your actions as long as you are being you and not some made-up fantasy derived from an advice column. Go the extra mile and do the extra little things that will have your potential partner noticing on their own. Confidence without the macho-ego parade will go further with people than will a front that seems fake.

Can a relationship survive an affair?

All in all, it is best to be honest about anything, including affairs, but better yet, be up-front and honest to your partner before anything like that occurs. If you cannot come to some equal ground between you two and your needs-wants are not being met in the relationship, then why stay together? If you stay together for the children’s sake, then try to remain friends so that there is no tension that can be witnessed or translated to your kids. Be open with your children and give them valid and honest reasons why your relationship is the way it is.

© vgstudio - Fotolia.com

Turning a complete stranger into a date, then a lover, then a soul mate, is one of the most incredible and satisfying things you can experience. It’s that first step, however, that is usually the most difficult one. It is also one that you’ll sometimes never even attempt, let alone succeed at.

That person you see who you find physically attractive, could be “the one”, but in your shyness, your fear of rejection, they remain the stranger. Then, yet another one slips through your fingertips, never to be seen again. To avoid this, there is only one solution. You must be take action. Here’s something that may come as a shock to you.

They will not come to you.

Your life is not a movie. You can’t “leave it to fate”. This is your life and you’re creating it one day at a time. OK, things can happen by chance, occasionally, but having this attitude with finding the right lover could leave you a lonely old person. You must make the connection, nobody else is going to do it for you.

Act Instantly

When you see someone you like, you must act on it in a heartbeat. We live in a fiercely competitive world. One millisecond of hesitation is all it takes for someone else to jump in there, or some outside event to make it impossible, or for them to simply disappear. Don’t sit there and think about it – get up and do it now. Those who have been in the dating game long enough will know the slogan:

“He who hesitates, masturbates.”

Enter Their World

That said, you must bear in mind one important factor when approaching someone you find attractive. Their mind will be elsewhere. Firstly, they may be in the middle of something. Approaching them when it’s inconvenient for them to speak will definitely be counter-productive to your efforts. Make sure you’re able to get their full attention or you will find yourself in quite an awkward situation.

Even if they’re not busy, their mind will definitely be elsewhere. The only exception to this is when you catch eye contact, and there is real chemistry there. This is rare, so bare in mind that the person you’re approaching will find your advances break their current train of thought.

This is important, because many people give up too early. They take the first response as hostile or disinterested, and they apologize for disturbing while running away with their tail between their legs. When you first approach and talk to someone, you have to give them a moment to readjust themselves to the fact that you’re talking to them.

If you’re a man approaching a woman you must also remember, especially if she is very attractive, that she has most likely had her share of cheesy chat-up lines and sleazy advances. This may also result in her giving you a hostile reception. Don’t fall into the trap that many men do and assume she’s a hard nose, and out of your league. She has just developed her own natural defense system against sleaze bags. You just have to prove to her that you’re worthy of getting through this barrier.

Now we’ve got the approach covered, what about the actual interaction?

When you meet someone for the first time, and you find them attractive, many people tend to put them on a higher pedestal than themselves. They look up to them because they want their approval. This is why people get nervous and can’t be themselves around someone they find attractive.

Be Friendly

Did you ever notice it was easier to chat to someone of the opposite sex (or same sex if you’re gay) if you didn’t find them attractive? You may even have inadvertently made that person attracted to you. This is because you were talking to them on the same level as yourself. You didn’t put them up on some imaginary pedestal. You were just trying to be friendly.

It’s this approach that you have to work on bringing to your potential dates. Pretend you’ve known them for years. Don’t get caught up in clichés like telling them they’re really attractive and “would they like to go out for a date” – not yet anyway. Just talk to them like you would your friends.

Be Confident

Don’t be sleazy or cheesy. Be confident, fun, and interesting. Be original and creative. Body language is extremely important. Be aware of your posture and maintain as much eye contact as possible without starring. This is a great way to increase the chemistry between you.

You could even shake their hand if possible. It might sound a little odd but by touching them, you break down an imaginary barrier between you instantly. A man kissing a woman’s hand is an underused thing these days, but don’t think that it’s too “old fashioned” for you.

She might find it sweet and it may even excite her. Even if she finds it funny, there’s one thing you can be sure of – you’ll stand out against all the rest! Don’t forget the eye contact when you do it!

Relax

Relax! This is the most important thing you can do. By relaxing you will talk to them in a more casual fashion, and you will instantly take away any tension there may be. They will enjoy talking to you a lot more, and you’ll enjoy it more too.

Be Yourself

Be genuine. Be yourself and let your personality shine through. If they don’t like the real you, what’s the point in trying to get a date with them anyway?

Be Funny, But Be Careful

If you’re a funny person, you probably don’t need to read this article anyway. However, if you can be funny, give it a go, but be careful. Avoid being rude or vulgar, or referencing religion or politics. Don’t make yourself out to be a jerk. Don’t make references to their physical appearance.

However, there are ways to “wind them up”, without being insulting or rude. This can help you get a good banter going, and you can really have a good time with them. For more information about doing this, look up David DeAngelo’s material on the web. If you can be cocky and funny, (and note the 50/50 balance between the two) you can have some great fun with this. It does however take some practice so don’t jump straight in with it.

Retain Your Integrity

Always be polite, confident, and considerate. It will make them appreciate you. Do not, however, be a suck up. Of course there’s a fine line but you shouldn’t give away your power to the other person. Buying them drinks all night just makes you look like you’re a pushover, and reeks of insecurity. This is quite a turnoff for women, and is just plain scary for men.

You must be your own person and be strong. If the person wants you to suck up to them and buy them drinks all night, they’re probably best avoided, as they’re likely only interested in you for that anyway. Don’t get sucked in.

Control Your Energy

This said, always be aware of the energy you are emitting. That might sound a bit new-age but it’s important to realize, we as humans can subconsciously pick up on negativity. If you’re just trying to get another notch on your bedpost, you will emit that energy, whether you realize it or not.

You must be genuinely interested in the person you’re talking to, and caring towards their feelings. Selfish energy is subconsciously blocked and you will find yourself not feeling like you’re connecting to that person. This is quite a radical concept but as you become aware of it, you will understand it more.

Making the Move

Once you have a relaxed, friend-like, genuine conversation going, and bear in mind this could just be a few sentences to break the ice, you have to make that leap. Don’t fall into the “friend trap”. You have to make it clear that you’re attracted to them as soon as possible. Remember, time is of the essence. You could pay dearly for hesitation. Just do it – push yourself out of your comfort zone – and feel that amazing rush.

So how do you ask them? Well this is pretty straight forward. Don’t beat around the bush. Just ASK! It’s up to you how you phrase the sentence but the outcome must be that you are asking them if they want to go out with you. This is the easy bit – you’ve done all the hard work now.

Rejection is Part of the Game

Bear in mind that they may say no. Don’t take it personally. Don’t give up asking people in the future. They could be saying no because they’re already in a relationship, or aren’t looking for a relationship at the present time. They could be a different sexual orientation. Or they could just not find you attractive.

If it’s the latter, don’t be disheartened. It doesn’t mean you’re not attractive, it just means you’re not attractive to that person. There’ll be someone out there who’ll love you for what you are, so just never give up trying.

They won’t say yes every time. After several years asking strangers for dates and you’ll definitely have far more rejections than acceptances. Do you give up? Of course not. Just kept trying, keep learning, and keep growing as a person.

And you’ll have a hell of a lot more fun than if you had never tried.

There are a few rules involved that once you’ve learned you won’t forget and you can eventually grow your skills in these areas. It does take work, but you’ll be surprised how quickly you can start being funny.

The quickest and easiest way to become funny is just stop giving people straight answers. When someone asks you something, it’s natural to want to help them and instantly blurt out your answer. Stop. Think before you speak. You could respond with something completely irrelevant, or another question. Now here’s the thing, it doesn’t have to be funny. It just has to be unexpected. Which means you could say anything. What happens then is the other person’s guard is knocked down. They are taken by surprise and what you will probably find is that they will laugh. Instead of a conversation, you’re now having banter. Your “pretend disrespect” for the other person changes the mood, and starts you both joking with each other.

This way of responding is a great start because it makes you treat life more casually instantly. You become a more fun person to be around because you’re unpredictable.

Now what you’ve learned is a valuable lesson about humor. It’s unexpected. It’s a surprise. There are other things that make people laugh but you will find this is one of the main ingredients.

Here are some more ingredients.

Obscurity

A lot of comedy comes from being obscure, just look at the knights who say “ni” from Monty Python. It’s unexpected because it’s silly and not normal. This is a vital ingredient to humor. Use your imagination and go beyond the normal, you won’t always find funny there, but combine it with these other ingredients and you stand a pretty good chance.

Perspective

We often laugh at people who think differently to us. Look at Mr Bean for a perfect example of this. His bizarre way of looking at the world makes for an amusing show. When building a comedy character, perspective is paramount, and of course, the character could be you.

Timing

Many jokes come from timing alone, so learn to use it and practice it for the rest of your life. Learn to use pauses, but also make sure you can be quick with a witty remark.

Exaggeration

This goes along the same lines as obscurity. Anything can increase its comedy value with exaggeration. And don’t just exaggerate a little, do it to the extreme. Don’t make your character moan a bit. Make them someone who moans more than anyone else on the planet. One Foot in the Grave fans will understand.

Clash of context

Humor is very often just a clash of contexts. Put something that doesn’t belong in your world. This is a very common tool used in “spoofs”. Take the police car at the start of the Naked Gun films that drives through places it obviously wouldn’t drive through, such as the woman’s changing rooms. Or the bumper sticker on the space ship in Spaceballs. Clash of context can be a normal thing in an abnormal world, or an abnormal thing in a normal world, a la Mork and Mindy.

Jeopardy

People always laugh at other people’s pain. Use this to your advantage not just with slapstick, but with unfortunate situations. Put your comic characters (or yourself) in increasingly more hazardous predicaments and watch the fireworks.

Those are some ingredients of comedy. You can use one or more of them to make your humor. Now aware of them, you can practice using them in your every day life or in your creations.

Now, here are some tools you might find useful for creating jokes.

Stating the obvious

Saying something that is obviously true and doesn’t need saying can be funny. Many a comedian doing a gig at Piccadilly has said “God, it’s like Piccadilly circus out there”.

Suppose one of your jokes leaves the audience dead silent. Say something like “Well that joke didn’t work” and you’re pretty much guaranteed that will get a laugh.

Lying

Lying about something that it’s obvious you’re lying about, a close cousin of sarcasm, can be a good humor tool. The opposite of stating the obvious, this goes very well with exaggeration or clash of context.

eg: At the opticians, reading the wording from a poster on a different wall instead of the letter board.

Breaking clichés

As you know, surprise creates humor, so a cliché is a great tool because people know what to expect. By breaking the cliché, you’ve got an easy joke. In the Simpson’s movie Homer is about to hammer in a nail, and his thumb is resting on the nail. Tension is built up as he says “Steady…” He then promptly jams himself in the eye with the hammer.

“It’s better to have loved and lost, than to listen to an album from Olivia Newton John” – Holly, Red Dwarf.

If you want more to break, check out this brilliant website: http://www.cambiaresearch.com/clicheweb/

Being rude

This is best used with the surprise element rather than just relying on vulgarity to get a laugh. You will want to deliberately lower the tone and shock your audience with an unexpected bout of obscenity. It goes without saying that you should be careful with this and also remember that it won’t always work if you’re renowned for your filthy mouth, although it still will sometimes.

The rule of three

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman. The Englishman did something, the Scotsman did the same thing just to validate the idea to the listener, and then the Irishman came along and did something completely different and unexpected. A bit overused this one, but still works pretty well. You don’t even need a full joke, you can pretty much apply this rule to a single sentence.

Misdirection

There it is again – break the listener’s expectations. Of course the best way to do that is send them in the wrong direction. This is a very useful tool for writing jokes. Lee Evans was explaining how he went to the zoo and it was all: “Oooh ooh ah ah” (making monkey gestures), and he said: “Yeah, that’s great. Two adults and a child please.”

Running jokes

Re-referring to something throughout a story can make it a running joke, even if it isn’t really funny on its own. Try not to rely on these too much, but they’re good for finishing off a set on stage.

Callbacks

Eddie Izzard is the master of these. He will explain something at the start of his show, and quite often you won’t find it that funny. But when he returns to it later it has a much greater meaning, and is received with much amusement.

Conclusion

Hopefully you’ve learnt some ways of being funny that you can use in your every day life and/or your creations. For a more comprehensive guide we recommend the following books:

> The Comic Toolbox: How to Be Funny Even If You’re Not

> Comedy Writing Secrets: How to Think Funny, Write Funny, Act Funny and Get Paid for it

Do you ever find yourself doing something that someone asks you to do without thinking and then you think, “Why did I just do that?”

This is because you have temporarily succumbed to not using your own mind. Unfortunately, you probably do this more than you think.

As well as people controlling you in this way, which often isn’t really intentional on their part, you will also be controlled by other people when you look to them for guidance. Yet you must learn to think for yourself, to make your own decisions and not be influenced by other people.

You may think you do make your own decisions, but there may well be times when you don’t have your guard up and your self-direction in gear. Typically, you won’t realize your guard is down, but by being aware when you’re not focusing on making your own decisions, you will be able to avoid being manipulated.

Salespersons and advertisers are experts at manipulating our minds so that we make a decision that we wouldn’t normally make. Politicians tell us only what we want to hear to sway our decisions and how we vote. Many people live their lives by what they’ve learned in some book or via some craze. People even hunt down, and follow to the letter, guidance from publications like Power Essence.

It’s true.

Feel free to listen to the advice given to you, but learn to use your own mind and make your own decisions. Question everything. Question the motives of everything anyone says or does. Their words and actions will usually always be driven by their motives. You can tell what people want by what they say or by their actions. They may try to hide their motives, like when people bluff in poker. You should think about whether someone has a motive to bluff.

Are People Really THAT manipulative?

Many people try to manipulate you without even thinking. They are driven by their desires so they will do what it takes to get them satisfied, even if it is a subconscious effort.

An example is when you are talking to a potential romantic partner. You’ll only say things that you hope will ultimately end up with them falling for you. That is your motive. By realizing that motive in you, the potential partner can adjust their actions accordingly. For example, they can prolong the conversation in order to get more drinks bought for themselves. Of course, this is a slightly cynical perspective but it’s just to help you understand the concept of conscious and subconscious manipulating.

Other Examples

Politicians provide us with great examples. Politicians have political agendas to fulfill and they will say what they need to say in order to get the support of the public.

Of course they don’t lie in so many words. Blatant lying is dangerous because if they are found out it would be devastating for their political careers. But bending the truth is not unheard of! However, their main tactic is to present the information to the public in a biased or out of context way.

For example, imagine they wanted to bring out a law that forces everyone to carry an ID card. Their hidden motive is that they can keep closer tabs on people. To get support they could play up the problem of illegal immigration, when the reality is that the amount of illegal immigration is really quite small, and not really a problem. Policing with ID cards would cause more administrative duties for the police and actually make the situation worse.

Remember, it’s not just politicians that present information in a manner that serves their purposes. Politicians, the media, advertisers, and sales people just happen to be experts at it but you will find that most people do it on some level.

Techniques people will use include:
* Blowing things out of context
* Bending the truth
* Exaggerating
* Withholding important facts
* Jumping to conclusions
* Giving biased information

You will find it easier to recognize these techniques in people by questioning their motives. When you identify people’s motives and manipulation techniques, you will no longer be affected by them!

Train yourself to become constantly aware of people’s motives to avoid being influenced by lies and half-truths. What sounds like it might be the truth could actually be far from it. The thing is, even the person saying it might totally believe it. They have fallen for the badly presented information and have convinced themselves it is true.

Always establish the facts and realize when information is being presented in error to you. You may find that in the past you have spread lies yourself without knowing it. It is important that you are honest with yourself and realize whenever you are not dealing with the truth.

To see the truth of the situation it helps to think things through.