How to Have a Meaningful, Lasting Relationship

What Makes a Good Love Relationship?

Of course, to be in a relationship there must be two willing partners. If either person is unwilling or being forced to any degree, then it is not an enriching, loving, supportive partnership. The best type of relationships are based on honesty, trust, creativity, and true partnership.

Find someone that is willing to be a true partner with you. Increase your competitive worth by being the best possible partner in all respects. As you increase your confidence in yourself by choosing to be your own authority and in doing what you love to do in life, then your attraction level increases. Increasing your successes increases your confidence, which in turn will attract successful people to you.

Once you’ve found that special person, it is possible to have a life-long and always loving relationship.

If you are doing what you love to do, and your partner is doing what they love to do, then there is little room for conflict. By using logical thoughts to work out differences, and by supporting each other in your passion focuses, those things alone can keep a relationship growing indefinitely. Show genuine interest in your partner’s passions.

What if Two People Grow Apart?

That does happen. We are by no means obligated to anyone else, so, ending a relationship might be necessary in some cases. That might seem strange to some people, but we really are not obligated to anyone else in any way.

Always try to be supportive to your partner and to voice any concerns in a positive manner. Learn to take criticism constructively without letting it affect your emotions. All disagreements can be resolved peacefully and the evolved couple will always strive to work out even the smallest disagreement.

An evolved, intimate pair will always use 100% honesty.

Each person will know exactly how to celebrate their partner’s individuality and freedoms. The ultimate mental intimacy and pleasure can come from an evolved love partnership. Each person will know of and utilize those situations and techniques which bring both partners ultimate ecstasy.

Is it wise to compete with your loved one’s passion or life focus?

Most people are self-centered in their actions and directives, so interrupting them may cause some conflicts. However, if your partner interrupts your value creating, then by giving them your undivided attention your competitive worth increases by showing that you have genuine interest in your partner.

How to Have a Meaningful, Lasting Relationship

The best relationships are based on honesty, trust, creativity, and partnership. True partners support each other’s goals and needs.

Increase your competitive worth by being the best possible partner in all respects. Increasing your confidence in yourself by choosing to be your own authority and in doing what you love to do in life will increase your attraction level. Increasing your successes increases your confidence and will attract successful people to you.

With that one special person, it is possible to have a life-long and loving relationship.

Use logical thoughts to work out differences and support and show interest in each other’s passion focuses, and a relationship will keep growing indefinitely.

We are not obligated to anyone else, so, ending a relationship might be necessary in some cases.

Be supportive to your partner and communicate concerns in a positive manner.

Evolved couples will use 100% honesty and celebrate each other’s individuality and freedoms. Intimacy and pleasure comes from an evolved love partnership, so learn the situations and techniques which bring both of you ultimate ecstasy.

Be honest in your relationships and be honest with yourself about your commitment level.

Be the best competition and your partner will see the value in being with only you.

What to Talk About on a First Date?

It’s a popular misconception that on a first date you should talk about “What do you do for a living”, “Do you have any brothers or sisters”, or “Why do you want the job as my boyfriend”. Oh, sorry, had a flashback to a first date then. You’d be amazed at how many first dates really can end up feeling like a job interview.

You should do your best to avoid this scenario at all costs.

In fact, if it ends up going this way, address it! In a funny way of course. A first date should be fun. Of course it’s nerve-racking but you’re not going to get a second date if you spend the first one being nervous and shy.

Some of the best first dates you can have, are ones where you don’t speak about your backgrounds, your lives, your jobs, or anything like that. Just have fun! These are the dates to remember. There should be banter, laughing, and fun. This builds up sexual tension and attraction far more than any intense, awkward question and answer sessions.

The dates that turn into question and answer sessions usually fail badly. In fact, an OK date can plummet into this when there is nothing there, when you run out of stuff to say, so you resort to these sort of questions. Avoid this!

So what do you talk about on a first date?

• Be unexpected. Talk about something original, something to set you aside from all the rest.
• Avoid giving straight answers. Sound strange? Try it. You’ll surprise them and you’ll start banter between you. This is a great way of being unexpected and interesting.
• Be positive. You need to keep a good tone to the meeting and leave them with good memories of you.
• Try and keep the conversation about the other person as much as possible. People love to talk about themselves, it’s easy. Also, because they’ll want to know about you, they’ll keep trying to deflect it back and this is great for continuing the banter and keeping the conversation flowing.
• Ask open ended questions that will make them look into themselves for an answer. “How do you feel about” and “What if you were to” are the best question starters you’ll ever have. Note that asking how they feel about something rather than what they think are two very different questions. How they feel gets deeper and more personal to them, and can tell you a lot about them. They’ll appreciate your interest in their feelings.
• Be observant. Notice funny things around you. This will ensure you don’t feel trapped in a bubble and can also bring you closer together because it’s a shared experience.
• If you want to doing something different, try playing games. “The Cube” (http://personal.ansir.com/cub e.htm) is an ancient mind game that can help you get to know each other really well very quickly. There are others of course. This isn’t for everyone, but I thought I’d throw it in there.

Here’s what you don’t talk about

• Politics. It’s boring, and could end up in an argument when there are differing views.
• Religion. Even if you’ve definitely got the same faith, you may have different opinions about it, so this is best avoided.
• Personal attributes, especially their physical ones.
• Your own issues and insecurities.
• Anything negative. Leave all negative conversaion at home. Don’t complain about anything. Just remember that when they get home, their memories of the date will be dictated by their feelings. Any negative feelings will stick out in their mind.

Location

One important thing to think about is the location of the date. If you do it somewhere interesting, such as a comedy club, a zoo, or an art gallery, there will be something to take away the focus from the date and make it easier to relax. There will be conversation pointers to help you. Plus, it’s more fun than sitting in a trendy bar.

Date Within a Date

One final tip. The “Second Date” is is an excellent and little known technique for a first date.

Move location. Take them somewhere else, and amazingly, it feels like a second date. The ice will be well and truly broken. When you walk into a new place, you’ll both feel a connection, because you’re walking in together. It breaks any monotony that may have set in and opens the door for more fun.

Written by Stuart Dobson

Turn a Stranger into a Lover

Turning a complete stranger into a date, then a lover, then a soul mate, is one of the most incredible and satisfying things you can experience. It’s that first step, however, that is usually the most difficult one. It is also one that you’ll sometimes never even attempt, let alone succeed at.

That person you see who you find physically attractive, could be “the one”, but in your shyness, your fear of rejection, they remain the stranger. Then, yet another one slips through your fingertips, never to be seen again. To avoid this, there is only one solution. You must be take action. Here’s something that may come as a shock to you.

They will not come to you.

Your life is not a movie. You can’t “leave it to fate”. This is your life and you’re creating it one day at a time. OK, things can happen by chance, occasionally, but having this attitude with finding the right lover could leave you a lonely old person. You must make the connection, nobody else is going to do it for you.

Act Instantly

When you see someone you like, you must act on it in a heartbeat. We live in a fiercely competitive world. One millisecond of hesitation is all it takes for someone else to jump in there, or some outside event to make it impossible, or for them to simply disappear. Don’t sit there and think about it – get up and do it now. Those who have been in the dating game long enough will know the slogan:

“He who hesitates, masturbates.”

Enter Their World

That said, you must bear in mind one important factor when approaching someone you find attractive. Their mind will be elsewhere. Firstly, they may be in the middle of something. Approaching them when it’s inconvenient for them to speak will definitely be counter-productive to your efforts. Make sure you’re able to get their full attention or you will find yourself in quite an awkward situation.

Even if they’re not busy, their mind will definitely be elsewhere. The only exception to this is when you catch eye contact, and there is real chemistry there. This is rare, so bare in mind that the person you’re approaching will find your advances break their current train of thought.

This is important, because many people give up too early. They take the first response as hostile or disinterested, and they apologize for disturbing while running away with their tail between their legs. When you first approach and talk to someone, you have to give them a moment to readjust themselves to the fact that you’re talking to them.

If you’re a man approaching a woman you must also remember, especially if she is very attractive, that she has most likely had her share of cheesy chat-up lines and sleazy advances. This may also result in her giving you a hostile reception. Don’t fall into the trap that many men do and assume she’s a hard nose, and out of your league. She has just developed her own natural defense system against sleaze bags. You just have to prove to her that you’re worthy of getting through this barrier.

Now we’ve got the approach covered, what about the actual interaction?

When you meet someone for the first time, and you find them attractive, many people tend to put them on a higher pedestal than themselves. They look up to them because they want their approval. This is why people get nervous and can’t be themselves around someone they find attractive.

Be Friendly

Did you ever notice it was easier to chat to someone of the opposite sex (or same sex if you’re gay) if you didn’t find them attractive? You may even have inadvertently made that person attracted to you. This is because you were talking to them on the same level as yourself. You didn’t put them up on some imaginary pedestal. You were just trying to be friendly.

It’s this approach that you have to work on bringing to your potential dates. Pretend you’ve known them for years. Don’t get caught up in clichés like telling them they’re really attractive and “would they like to go out for a date” – not yet anyway. Just talk to them like you would your friends.

Be Confident

Don’t be sleazy or cheesy. Be confident, fun, and interesting. Be original and creative. Body language is extremely important. Be aware of your posture and maintain as much eye contact as possible without starring. This is a great way to increase the chemistry between you.

You could even shake their hand if possible. It might sound a little odd but by touching them, you break down an imaginary barrier between you instantly. A man kissing a woman’s hand is an underused thing these days, but don’t think that it’s too “old fashioned” for you.

She might find it sweet and it may even excite her. Even if she finds it funny, there’s one thing you can be sure of – you’ll stand out against all the rest! Don’t forget the eye contact when you do it!

Relax

Relax! This is the most important thing you can do. By relaxing you will talk to them in a more casual fashion, and you will instantly take away any tension there may be. They will enjoy talking to you a lot more, and you’ll enjoy it more too.

Be Yourself

Be genuine. Be yourself and let your personality shine through. If they don’t like the real you, what’s the point in trying to get a date with them anyway?

Be Funny, But Be Careful

If you’re a funny person, you probably don’t need to read this article anyway. However, if you can be funny, give it a go, but be careful. Avoid being rude or vulgar, or referencing religion or politics. Don’t make yourself out to be a jerk. Don’t make references to their physical appearance.

However, there are ways to “wind them up”, without being insulting or rude. This can help you get a good banter going, and you can really have a good time with them. For more information about doing this, look up David DeAngelo’s material on the web. If you can be cocky and funny, (and note the 50/50 balance between the two) you can have some great fun with this. It does however take some practice so don’t jump straight in with it.

Retain Your Integrity

Always be polite, confident, and considerate. It will make them appreciate you. Do not, however, be a suck up. Of course there’s a fine line but you shouldn’t give away your power to the other person. Buying them drinks all night just makes you look like you’re a pushover, and reeks of insecurity. This is quite a turnoff for women, and is just plain scary for men.

You must be your own person and be strong. If the person wants you to suck up to them and buy them drinks all night, they’re probably best avoided, as they’re likely only interested in you for that anyway. Don’t get sucked in.

Control Your Energy

This said, always be aware of the energy you are emitting. That might sound a bit new-age but it’s important to realize, we as humans can subconsciously pick up on negativity. If you’re just trying to get another notch on your bedpost, you will emit that energy, whether you realize it or not.

You must be genuinely interested in the person you’re talking to, and caring towards their feelings. Selfish energy is subconsciously blocked and you will find yourself not feeling like you’re connecting to that person. This is quite a radical concept but as you become aware of it, you will understand it more.

Making the Move

Once you have a relaxed, friend-like, genuine conversation going, and bear in mind this could just be a few sentences to break the ice, you have to make that leap. Don’t fall into the “friend trap”. You have to make it clear that you’re attracted to them as soon as possible. Remember, time is of the essence. You could pay dearly for hesitation. Just do it – push yourself out of your comfort zone – and feel that amazing rush.

So how do you ask them? Well this is pretty straight forward. Don’t beat around the bush. Just ASK! It’s up to you how you phrase the sentence but the outcome must be that you are asking them if they want to go out with you. This is the easy bit – you’ve done all the hard work now.

Rejection is Part of the Game

Bear in mind that they may say no. Don’t take it personally. Don’t give up asking people in the future. They could be saying no because they’re already in a relationship, or aren’t looking for a relationship at the present time. They could be a different sexual orientation. Or they could just not find you attractive.

If it’s the latter, don’t be disheartened. It doesn’t mean you’re not attractive, it just means you’re not attractive to that person. There’ll be someone out there who’ll love you for what you are, so just never give up trying.

They won’t say yes every time. After several years asking strangers for dates and you’ll definitely have far more rejections than acceptances. Do you give up? Of course not. Just kept trying, keep learning, and keep growing as a person.

And you’ll have a hell of a lot more fun than if you had never tried.

Written by Stuart Dobson

Increase Your Motivation

How do I increase my motivation?

Look back on your life. Can you remember two or three times when you felt amazing? At a couple of points during your life there will have been times when it has felt incredible to be alive.

Think about it.

Now I’ll wager a guess that for each of those times, at least one of these facts was true.

• You had done something new.
• You had something to look forward to.
• You felt love for someone or something.
• You had experienced a boost to your self-esteem.

If you find that this is not the case, then think again about your self-esteem at the time. It may have been on the smallest scale, but I bet for one reason or another you felt slightly better about yourself. You may find that you underestimate the importance of self-esteem.

So why do these events and situations make you feel so good? And how can they help to increase your motivation? Let’s run through them.

Doing Something New

New things, as long as you enjoy them, make you feel good simply because they are new and exciting to you. Remember when you were a child, you looked at everything with excitement and anticipation. Life was so much more enjoyable because everything you did was full of wonder. There was no lack of motivation then. Now that you’re older, you no longer have any surprises, there are fewer and fewer new things left for you to experience. Most things you do are routine. So, its no wonder doing something new feels good.

It’s hard to motivate yourself if there are not going to be any surprises, or new feelings.

There’s always going to be things that you haven’t done but want to do. Wherever possible, seek these things out and do them!

“As long as one is still learning, one is young. When one stops learning, one is old.”

Getting a Boost to Your Self-Esteem

This can come from many sources but it’s important you neither rely on it nor base it on non-realities. Learn to attain self-esteem from your creations, from being honest, and in knowing reality.

Abraham Maslow (1908-70), American psychologist and leading exponent of humanistic psychology, developed a theory of motivation in which an individual would reach a state called “Self Actualization” – they would be fully motivated. In order to reach this state a person would have to fulfill their needs – these needs are split into primary and secondary needs.

Maslow said that the primary needs are physiological (food, sex, body temperature etc) and safety, and the secondary needs are needs for social interaction and esteem.

That’s right, in order to be fully motivated, an individual needs to have esteem. Any lack of self-esteem will affect your motivation, so be wary. People will undermine your esteem, they will make you paranoid, point out your mistakes, or even forget to praise you when they should. Keep your head held high. Your self-esteem is essential to your success. You should not rely on the judgment of others – especially when something as important as your self-esteem is at stake.

Feeling Love for Someone or Something

Another tremendous reward in life can be the honest love feelings you have for another person. Don’t underestimate the benefits of sharing your dreams and life satisfactions with someone you love. It can often be the missing link in your motivation.

As well as being a driving force in your own mind, it is powerful to have someone to whom you are accountable to for your success. You will have someone who makes you want to be the best you can be. Bear in mind that this does not always have to be a lover, it can also be a child, parent, a sibling, or anyone who you can associate these feelings of wanting to make the best of your life. It’s important however that you don’t feel pressure and grow to resent this person. Your success must be your desire, and nobody else’s.

Again, you need to be wary of relying on this person for your self esteem. Yet, having someone to share in the good and the bad times can be incredibly uplifting.

In addition to feeling love for someone, your motivation can be increased by doing things you love. Find your passion and spend your time doing this and you will find motivation will come far more naturally. It’s far easier to be carried downstream by doing something you love than trying to struggle upstream doing things you think you should, because they bring in more money, or because of someone else’s opinion.

Make an effort to find your passion and discover the tremendous benefits it will bring to your motivation.

Having Something to Look Forward to

Having something for which to look forward, gives you hope and motivation, and it can change your entire outlook on life. Make an effort to have things for which to look forward. Not just now, but for the rest of your life! Make a list and constantly work towards the things on it, and add to it whenever you can.

Try writing your list down. This will make it clear in your head and make the items on your list more tangible. In fact, we recommend you write it now.

Having a Positive Attitude

Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? Maybe you look at yourself as a realist. This is just a pessimist’s way of blaming his or her misery on his or her surroundings. Reality is both good and bad – saying that something is bad even if it is, is still a pessimist’s view! You can’t change reality but what you can change is your outlook. This can only be positive, negative or indifferent.

A negative attitude creates negative things, lowers moral in you and the people around you, lowers self-esteem, and it doesn’t give off a good impression of you.

A positive outlook makes you happier and increases your motivation, therefore increasing your productivity and self-esteem. This in turn makes people look upon you favorably.

Don’t confuse this with positive thinking, the law of attraction or other pseudo science. You’re not changing things with your mind, you’re physically affecting the immediate world around you with your attitude. Look at how a simple smile can change the feelings of everyone in a room. It’s a simple psychological effect, not rearranging the universe, as some people would have you believe.

It may take hard effort and strength of mind to attain a positive attitude if you’re not used to it, but it is one of the most important things you can do.

Review

• Do something new every day. Look for opportunities to expand your horizons, your knowledge, and your experiences.
• Find someone you love. You will want to be the best you can for them, and your life will acquire more meaning and purpose.
• Find your passion. Doing what you love will make motivation far more natural.
• Always have something to look forward to. Make plans. Don’t get stuck in a rut. Constantly focus on driving forward, making each day better than the last.
• Try and maintain a positive attitude at all times.