© Yuri Arcurs - Fotolia.com
It’s a popular misconception that on a first date you should talk about “What do you do for a living”, “Do you have any brothers or sisters”, or “Why do you want the job as my boyfriend”. Oh, sorry, had a flashback to a first date then. You’d be amazed at how many first dates really can end up feeling like a job interview.
You should do your best to avoid this scenario at all costs.
In fact, if it ends up going this way, address it! In a funny way of course. A first date should be fun. Of course it’s nerve-racking but you’re not going to get a second date if you spend the first one being nervous and shy.
Some of the best first dates you can have, are ones where you don’t speak about your backgrounds, your lives, your jobs, or anything like that. Just have fun! These are the dates to remember. There should be banter, laughing, and fun. This builds up sexual tension and attraction far more than any intense, awkward question and answer sessions.
The dates that turn into question and answer sessions usually fail badly. In fact, an OK date can plummet into this when there is nothing there, when you run out of stuff to say, so you resort to these sort of questions. Avoid this!
So what do you talk about on a first date?
- Be unexpected. Talk about something original, something to set you aside from all the rest.
- Avoid giving straight answers. Sound strange? Try it. You’ll surprise them and you’ll start banter between you. This is a great way of being unexpected and interesting.
- Be positive. You need to keep a good tone to the meeting and leave them with good memories of you.
- Try and keep the conversation about the other person as much as possible. People love to talk about themselves, it’s easy. Also, because they’ll want to know about you, they’ll keep trying to deflect it back and this is great for continuing the banter and keeping the conversation flowing.
- Ask open ended questions that will make them look into themselves for an answer. “How do you feel about” and “What if you were to” are the best question starters you’ll ever have. Note that asking how they feel about something rather than what they think are two very different questions. How they feel gets deeper and more personal to them, and can tell you a lot about them. They’ll appreciate your interest in their feelings.
- Be observant. Notice funny things around you. This will ensure you don’t feel trapped in a bubble and can also bring you closer together because it’s a shared experience.
- If you want to doing something different, try playing games. “The Cube” (http://personal.ansir.com/cub e.htm) is an ancient mind game that can help you get to know each other really well very quickly. There are others of course. This isn’t for everyone, but I thought I’d throw it in there.
Here’s what you don’t talk about
- Politics. It’s boring, and could end up in an argument when there are differing views.
- Religion. Even if you’ve definitely got the same faith, you may have different opinions about it, so this is best avoided.
- Personal attributes, especially their physical ones.
- Your own issues and insecurities.
- Anything negative. Leave all negative conversaion at home. Don’t complain about anything. Just remember that when they get home, their memories of the date will be dictated by their feelings. Any negative feelings will stick out in their mind.
One important thing to think about is the location of the date. If you do it somewhere interesting, such as a comedy club, a zoo, or an art gallery, there will be something to take away the focus from the date and make it easier to relax. There will be conversation pointers to help you. Plus, it’s more fun than sitting in a trendy bar.
Date Within a Date
One final tip. The “Second Date” is is an excellent and little known technique for a first date.
Move location. Take them somewhere else, and amazingly, it feels like a second date. The ice will be well and truly broken. When you walk into a new place, you’ll both feel a connection, because you’re walking in together. It breaks any monotony that may have set in and opens the door for more fun.