100-plus Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Marriage is a big commitment, and you want to make sure you get it right with the right person. Whether you are entering a life-long intimate partnership or a legally recognized marriage, it’s best to know the person with whom you are going to spend the rest of your life.

You can either ask these pre-marriage questions or find them out in other ways. Doing so will help you get to know how your potential spouse will react in the future or if it is even worth getting into marriage with particular people or if you are even the marriage type.

Ask yourself these questions as well, since any potential partner may ask you similar questions to see if you are worthy of marriage. If you both differ too much, then it is worth reevaluating marriage potential. It’s not necessary to be 100% compatible since many of these issues listed below can be met with compromise and acceptance in any marriage and they are completely subjective in importance from person to person and from couple to couple.

Big Issues

• Do you believe in marriage?
• Are you ready for a marriage commitment now or later?
• Do you consider yourself a positive person?
• What are some things that make you angry?
• How do you deal with anger?
• Do you typically forgive easily or hold a grudge?
• What is unforgivable to you?
• Do you like to talk about major issues?
• Can you take responsibility for your actions and own up to your mistakes?
• How do you behave in a crisis-emergency situation?
• How do you treat your family?
• How do you treat strangers?
• How do you treat pets and animals in general?
• How do you deal with money?
• If you had a relationship with someone and they came partially incapacitated either physically or mentally would you continue to be by their side and support them 100%?
• What are your expectations about the future?
• What is your ideal job?
• What is your current job?
• Do you have or want children and how many?
• What are your current living arrangements?
• What are your ideal living arrangements?
• Are you religious or what are your beliefs in general – spiritual, agnostic, atheist?

Relationship roles

• In relationships, are you dominant, submissive, or an equal partner?
• Do you think both of us should work?
• Do you want to stay home to raise the children?
• Do you want me to stay home?

Bringing up children

• What is your ideal education for children – home school, private school, public school?
• Should we teach our children our beliefs or let them learn on their own?
• Will we limit social interactions with other children?
• What type of child-care and babysitters should we use?
• Do you have career expectations for our children?
• What kinds of discipline are appropriate – spanking or other types?

Medical background

• Any incurable STDs?
• Have you ever had an HIV test?
• Any other incurable diseases, genetic or otherwise?
• Any family history of diseases physical or mental?
• Have you ever been near death? From what?
• Have you ever had a surgical operation and for what?
• Are you healthy?
• Do you have any chronic pains?
• Are you on any medications? If so, which ones and for what reasons?

General habits

• Are you a vegetarian/vegan or meat eater?
• Do you have a specialized diet, that is, do you eat healthy or do you eat anything?
• What are your hobbies?
• What do you like to do after work?
• What do you do for entertainment?
• Do you have any vices?
• What are your pet peeves?
• Do you smoke? If so, how often?
• Do you drink alcohol? If so, how often and how much?
• Do you do drugs? If so, which ones and how often?
• Have you ever been to any type of rehabilitation and for what?
• Do you exercise and what types and how often?

Pets

• What are your likes and dislikes for pets?
• Do you want pets?
• Do you already have pets?
• Are you allergic to any animals?

Favorites

• What are your favorite books?
• Any favorite movies?
• Do you play video/computer games?
• How much television do you watch a day?
• Any favorite TV shows?
• What’s your favorite food?
• What would you take to a desert island if you could only take 5 things?

Dates, Friends, Family, Guests

• Do you live alone or with roommates or with family?
• Do you like guests at the house and how often?
• Do you prefer going out to meet friends and how often?
• Do you prefer going to friends’ homes and how often?
• Do you prefer going out alone as a couple or meeting friends?
• Do you want to go out together all the time?
• Do you need alone time?
• Are you okay with having your partner go out without you?
• Which are your favorite holidays?
• Are there any you dislike?
• Which holidays do you look forward to each year?
• Are there any that you bypass and why?

Sex

• How many sexual partners have you had thus far?
• Have you ever cheated on a relationship?
• Have you ever had a casual fling?
• In a marriage, how frequently do you want sex – once a month, once a week, or once a day, or more?
• Any sexual fantasies?
• For those fantasies, can they be left as fantasies or are there any that you definitely want to be fulfilled?
• Are you bi-curious and if so, to what extent – just sexually or relationship-wise too?
• Are you into mate swapping?
• Are you into group sex?

Financial

• Do you work for someone or independently?
• Do you have debts — serious or minor, and what is your outstanding debt?
• How much do you earn a year?
• How much have you saved?
• What’s your net worth including assets and savings?
• Do you own or rent?
• Do you give to charity or donate your time to worthwhile causes?

Moral

• Do you believe in abortion?
• What are your thoughts on homosexuality?
• What are your thoughts on using science to “play god”?

Family Life

• How were you raised?
• By single or dual parents?
• What are some of your family’s traits and quirks?
• Do you get along with your family?

Friends

• What characteristics do you look for in people as far as choosing your friends?
• Are you a social butterfly or do you have a small group of good friends?
• Any really strange friends?
• How many friends?
• Are you a person that gets along with anyone you meet, or are you very picky about who you get along with?

Marriage

• Have you been married before?
• How many times?
• How long did each marriage last?
• Why did your marriages end?
• If you were never married, were you ever engaged?
• If you’ve never been married, why not?
• Why are you seeking marriage at this point in your life?

Fun

• What do you do for fun?
• Anything that can only be done by yourself?
• If you were to win a trip somewhere, where would you want it to be and why?
• What do you think your 5 strongest characteristics are?
• What do you feel that your 5 weakest characteristics are?
• Anything else that you want to share?