Every now and then we hear about a child going berserk and killing someone or even themselves. Every day children rebel against their parents, while others are bullied and withdraw emotionally and mentally a little bit more. Numerous times a day all over the world, children tell themselves or tell their parents, “I HATE YOU!” How many times did you say that to your parents or yourself when you were a child? Do you still hate yourself? Do you still hate your parents for how they raised you or are you one of the lucky few that had outstanding role models?
Every day inexperienced children try drugs for the first time. Every day children are exposed to sex and other adult situations. Is it possible to counteract the negative affects these things have on a child’s mental stability? Is it possible to effectively raise a child in this day of extreme information overload and ease of compromise? Yes, it IS worth the attempt to try to counteract negatives by using evolved parenting skills.
Every day is your opportunity to use evolved parenting skills.
Poor Parenting, Good Parenting
Unfortunately, it’s too easy to be a poor parent and it takes a lot of effort to be a good parent. Here are a few points on how parents (or any caregiver) can fail to raise a child optimally and suggestions for providing a better environment:
Being Just an Adequate Parent
If you have minimal contact with your children due to whatever reasons, you leave your children to fend for themselves. Seriously, these are no longer simpler times and being just an adequate parent is a disservice to your children. From where do you expect your children to gain the knowledge they need to be functionally competitive individuals in an increasingly complex society — from teachers, TV, and your child’s peers? Although there are many fantastic teachers, public education is barely adequate in some areas and poor in other areas. The majority of television programming is detrimental to developing minds. Peers can provide dangerous information.
From day-1 onward, make as much contact with your children as possible. Making time to be a good or even best friend to your children opens up the channels of communication where suggestions are considered usable information rather than as demands and thus likely to be ignored or rejected as useless information. If you are too busy to be a parent, then consider hiring someone that you can trust to fill in the parental gaps of time that you need to miss interacting with your children. This takes more than just a babysitter. It takes a true caregiver with real skills as an interactive educator. Infants require large amounts of quality interactions with good role models in order to develop well.
Be A Super Parent
If you’re already a parent, then study the subject of being a parent and build or add to your current skills. Being a super parent will help you in raising super children.
It’s up to you to be on top of that which your children are exposed. At the minimum, discuss important issues with your children on a daily basis or as often as possible. Check their opinions and interests without prying and make suggestions without being a control freak. Make sure they know that they can confide in you without any fear of having other people know their personal information.
Parenting Without Authority
“Respect My Authority!” vs. Self-Authority
I know that it’s a hard concept for a parent to fathom, but it really is important to stop being a domineering authority over your children. All humans, including children, do much better if they are allowed to make their own decisions. Keep the interactions going by providing input and suggestions as part of the education, but once you push your control onto children, they’ll rebel and wind up hating you. Some control cannot be avoided since very young children have yet to understand the danger of simply living or how to be respectful, but the more self-authority that you teach and allow for your children, the more advanced and well adjusted children will be. It’s important that your children know that self-authority is important and a great responsibility.
Teach Respect and Confidence
What you learn from your parents, you do to your children. Break the mental shackles of any abuse or lack of preparation or poor parenting by whomever raised you and evolve your parenting skills.
Children mimic adults and other children, so if you are disrespectful to people, chances are good that your children will adopt that type of behavior. Teaching by example is one of the easiest ways to impart good behavior and skills to younger people or anyone really.
Teach respect and tolerance of others regardless of your personal views and prejudices. Let your children make up their minds about other people. Teach confidence and self-esteem by providing situations where your children can increase their skills. Some preparation might be necessary, but it’s important to let your children fail and then encourage them to try again.